Chapter 3

I was a mess the rest of the day. I couldn’t concentrate in any of my classes. I had a test in my Earth Science class, and I’m pretty sure I may have failed it. If I did, it would be the first test in high school I’ve failed.

I couldn’t forget the grin on Craig’s face when he told me I would find out what he wanted. I know what he wants. He wants to have sex with me, but he’s my sister’s boyfriend! The thing that bothers me the most is I don’t think I have the willpower to tell him I’m not interested. I am interested. What gay boy wouldn’t be? When most boys close their eyes at night with their hand wrapped around their dick, Craig is the boy they fantasize about. He’s handsome, tall and muscular. He has a great personality even though he can be arrogant most of the time. Every time I’ve seen him sitting on the couch with Stacy beside him, I wish it was me he was holding. Now, that is possible, and I don’t know what I’m going to do.

This could get very dangerous very quickly. Craig isn’t the kind of guy who will take no for an answer. Since grade school, he’s had everything he wants. Because he’s athletic, his father has given him everything. He was the first kid to get a new bike when we were about five. I had to wait one more year before I was able to talk my mother into getting me one. When he showed an interest in basketball, his father had a basketball court built in their backyard. I never played, but I enjoyed watching the other boys as they played without shirts. I was about twelve when I first developed a huge crush on Craig. I would stare at his nearly naked body as he moved around the court.

When we got into the seventh grade, Craig began to become interested in football. Craig’s father paid to have him attend football camps in several different states. Craig would return bragging about the professional players he met. I wasn’t impressed because I never watched football, so I didn’t know who they were. When we got to high school, he became a member of the varsity football team our freshman year. The varsity coach was so impressed with his skills on the field, he instantly accepted him on the varsity squad. He’s been a star running back for the past three years.

Last summer he began dating Stacy. She had been trying to get Craig interested in her since the fifth grade. She was always following him around like a loyal puppy. I thought it was sad the way she would try to get his attention, and he would usually ignore her. Besides, just about every girl in our class wanted Craig. Wherever he was, there was usually a group of girls swooning over him. He was popular with the guys too because they saw him as a ‘chick magnet.’ That’s the term they began joking about in the sixth grade. I always admired Craig from a distance. I knew even then that I was gay. I never wanted him to suspect that I wanted him. However, all that changed in his hospital room.

Now, I’m confused about what he wants. He’s got Stacy. What would he want with me? The only thing I can think of is maybe he’s gay too. But that is impossible. Guys like Craig aren’t gay. He can have any girl he wants. And right now, he has Stacy, my twin sister! Why would he want me too? Maybe it doesn’t even involve sex. Craig is used to having anything he wants. Maybe he sees me as just another conquest. I’m another trophy he can place on his mantle.

I do know one thing. This isn’t going to end well. Things can come crashing down around me quickly. It already seems like they already have.

I decided to go to lunch because I was hungry. For the past few days, I had lost my appetite because I was worrying too much. When my stomach started growling in 3rd period and Holly looked over and giggled, I knew I had better get something to eat.

I went through the cafeteria line and picked out a Caesar salad, an orange and a can of Mountain Dew. I then headed to the table where Ty, Jennifer and Sherman were sitting. They were discussing what had happened in their 2nd period class.

When I sat down, I heard Jennifer say, “Raymond says she was kissing a girl in the theater Saturday.”

“I knew there was something different about her,” remarked her brother.

I asked, “Who are you talking about?”

“Roni,” said Ty. Roni is Veronica, but we’ve called her Roni since the third grade. She’s shy and stays mainly to herself. I’ve tried to talk to her in the past, but she rolls her eyes and walks away. Most students just ignore her. She’s extremely smart, and most students hate her because she always has the highest grade on a test. There’s this big competition between three or four popular kids who are challenging each other for the valedictorian’s spot. However, our counselor earlier this year said that no one seems even close to achieving the GPA that Roni has.

“What did Roni do?” I seemed to have missed the first part of their conversation. I really didn’t care because I figured they were talking about another high score she had got on a test.

Sherman asked excitedly, “You mean you haven’t heard?” I shook my head. He continued to fill me in on the latest gossip. “Raymond is telling everyone that he and Danny were at the movies Saturday night. They were sitting three rows behind Roni and some other girl. About halfway through the movie, Roni and this girl started making out!”

Stacy wrinkled her nose and said, “Eww! That’s gross.”

I had to be very careful what I said. My first instinct was to say, “What’s so wrong with that?” But then my friends might wonder why I didn’t see anything wrong with two girls making out. I looked over when Ty asked me what I thought about it.

I shrugged my shoulders and replied, “I don’t know. I suppose it’s none of our business what she does.”

I was relieved when Ty agreed. “I guess you’re right,” he said.

“Well,” huffed Jennifer. “She better keep her hands off me.”

Sherman started laughing. “It would be the most action you’ve ever had.”

“Like you’re a woman’s man,” replied Jennifer as she hit her brother on the arm. “Girls aren’t exactly beating down our door to see you.”

“Enough guys,” giggled Ty. “Let’s admit it. None of us are exactly God’s gift to the opposite sex.” Stacy and Sherman high fived him. He threw up his hand toward me, and I reluctantly hit it. I didn’t want to be a gift to the opposite sex.

Roni and her girlfriend were the hot gossip the rest of the day. I heard comments about it in all my afternoon classes. We share a 6th period literature class. Several students intentionally made loud remarks about it. Brady Simmons sat in the back of the class and made kissing sounds, causing students to giggle. I glanced over at Roni several times, and she appeared deeply upset.

When the bell rang, I got up and headed for the door. I stopped when I saw Roni standing directly in front of Darla Hamilton’s face. Roni had her hand balled into a fist and snarled, “If you got something to say to me, Bitch, then say it to my face.”

Students quickly gathered around them, waiting for a fight. Roni had used the B word. That always triggers a fight between two girls.

“Fucking dyke,” spat Darla. Roni pulled her hand back to hit Darla. I was standing beside Roni, and I instantly raised my hand and grabbed her wrist. Her eyes were wild as she looked at me. I watched her other hand to make sure she didn’t take a swing at me.

“Come on, Roni,” I insisted as I tried to pull her away. “They aren’t worth it.” She started to resist, then her arm relaxed, and she let me pull her through the throng of students.

Darla was hollering, “Bitch, this ain’t over!” I turned to make sure that she wasn’t following us.

We turned the corner and Roni collapsed in my arms. “Why, Seth?” she cried. “I didn’t do nothing to them.” I could feel her trembling in my arms. It felt awkward because Roni and I weren’t friends. In fact, I don’t think we had ever said more than a few sentences to each other. But now, she was desperately holding on to me. When some students passed us and stared, I thought we should leave. School was over and there was no reason to stay.

I reached for her hand and gripped it. “Let’s get out of here.” She walked beside me to my car still holding my hand. I opened the door and asked, “Do you want me to take you home?”

She shook her head and replied, “No. I don’t feel like going home right now. I’m too upset. My mother will want to know what’s wrong, and I can’t tell her.”

We drove out of the parking lot, but I had no idea where to go. I was beginning to regret that I had come to Roni’s aid. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do, but now I was worried that I might become more involved in Roni’s life than I wanted to be.

I looked over at her and asked, “Where do you want me to take you?”

“I don’t know,” she said as she began crying again. “Why does life have to be so hard?”

I knew exactly what she meant, but I didn’t have an answer. I had been asking myself the same question for several years. I was tired of living the life I have. I am always hiding who I am. I shunned having close friends for fear that they would know the real me. But what is wrong with the real me? I’m gay. But now, I’m sitting in a car with a girl who has just been exposed, and I have no answers to give her. Suddenly, a deep depression overwhelmed me.

We drove in silence. I drove up and down the same road several times. I felt as lost as Roni. Each time I would look over at her, her eyes were filled with tears. I could no longer deal with the silence.

“Is it true?” I asked.

She started crying, “Are you going to start on me too, Seth?”

“No!” I replied. “I want to help you.”

“Why would you want to help me? You’re already in enough trouble if people saw us leave school together.”

I didn’t know how to respond. “Do you want me to take you home?”

I gave her a puzzled look when she started laughing. “That’s the last place I want to go,” she replied. “My mother and I got into it this morning. After she finds out what happened at school, she’s really going to be upset.”

“But you didn’t do anything, Roni,” I insisted.

She began crying again. “It doesn’t matter,” she cried. “She hates me now.”


She looked over tearfully. “Didn’t you hear what they were saying all day about me at school?”

“Yeah,” I replied. “So what?”

“So what, Seth!” she screamed. “Don’t you get it? I’m a lesbian.” She turned toward the window and sobbed loudly.

I reached over and touched her arm. “It doesn’t bother me, Roni, what you are.”

She looked down at my hand and asked, “Why are you doing this, Seth?”

“Doing what?”

“Being nice to me?” she answered. “We’ve never been friends.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. I guess I feel sorry for you because of the way others are treating you at school.”

Tears welled up in her eyes, but she didn’t cry. “They were really being mean.” She let out a long sigh. “It was really stupid to kiss Cindy in the theater the other night. I should have been more careful.”

“So, it’s true then?” I asked.

She rested her head back. “Yes, Seth, it’s true. We’ve been seeing each other for about six months.” I asked if she goes to our school. “No, she goes to Central,” she replied. Central was another high school across town.

I asked, “Are you in love?”

She turned, gave me a puzzled look and asked, “Why are you asking me all these personal questions? You don’t seem surprised that I’m a lesbian.”

“There’s nothing wrong with it,” I replied. We stopped at a light, and she reached out and took my hand.

My heart stopped when she asked, “Are you gay, Seth?”

I didn’t know how to reply. If I denied it, I would be lying to Roni and myself. If I told her I was gay, then I would be outing myself and admitting something that I had been hiding for years. I lifted my hand, grabbed the steering wheel and pulled off when the light turned green.

We drove in silence for about five minutes before Roni spoke. “Do you want to go to Dairy Queen and get a banana split? My treat.”

I looked over and smiled nervously. “Sure.”      

We ordered our banana splits and sat down at a booth. Roni spooned her cherry off the top and sucked it seductively into her mouth. She giggled when my face began to redden. “You ever eaten a girl’s cherry, Seth?” she laughed.

“Roni! Stop!” I shrieked. I looked around to make sure no one was watching us.

“So,” she laughed. “Have you?”

I took a deep sigh. I knew my answer would out me, but I felt safe coming out to Roni. “No,” I replied nervously, “And I never plan to.”

She smiled and said, “That’s what I thought.” She grinned and asked, “Have you ever eaten a boy’s cherry.” I was beginning to feel comfortable with Roni. I had just implied that I was gay, and she didn’t act surprised.

I smiled, scooped the cherry off the top of my banana split and seductively ate it. “Not yet,” I replied with a grin. She reached over and held my hand.

“I think we’re going to be good friends,” she said. “And God knows I need a friend right now.”

“Me, too,” I admitted. It felt awkward talking to a girl. I had never had any experience dealing with girls in the past. Most of my friends were guys. However, I felt I could talk to Roni. There were so many things bottled up inside me. It would be nice to have someone I could finally talk to.

We continued to eat our banana split. Occasionally, we would glance over at each other and giggle. “So, Seth,” asked Roni. “Do you have a boyfriend?’

“No,” I admitted.

“Anyone you’re interested in?” She laughed when my face reddened. “So, there is someone?”

“Not really.”

“Not really?” she asked with a puzzled look. “There is someone, but not really?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I insisted.

Roni reached over and took my hand. “I can tell something is wrong,” she said. “Maybe it will be help if you talk about it.”

I insisted, “I really can’t. Just drop it, okay?” How could I begin to tell her that I liked my sister’s boyfriend? That’s just too creepy. Besides, Craig is straight. Roni would think I was crazy if I told her I suspected he wanted to have sex with me.

“Okay,” she replied. “But if you need someone to talk to, you can always talk to me.”

“I know,” I smiled as I squeezed her hand. “Now, tell me about your girlfriend.” She spent the next few minutes telling me about her girlfriend, Cindy Jacobs. They met six months ago, and they had been trying to keep their relationship a secret. However, a few days ago Roni’s mother was shopping in a store, and one of her friends asked her what it was like to have a lesbian daughter. Apparently, their relationship wasn’t that secret. Roni still hadn’t figured out who had told her mother. She tried to deny it at first. However, they got into a heated argument a few nights before, and Roni admitted that she was seeing Cindy. Since then, there have been numerous arguments. Roni’s mother was trying to keep her from seeing Cindy anymore.

“I hate my mother,” she admitted. I immediately became worried what would happen if my mother found out I was gay. Would she reject me like Roni’s mother was doing to her? And what would be my sister’s reaction. We already didn’t get along very well. Something like this could ruin our relationship forever.

“Maybe she’ll come around,” I suggested.

“Maybe,” she replied. “But I’ll never be able to forgive her for the awful things she’s said. There are some things that you never forget.”

“I suppose,” I replied. We finished eating our banana split. We both were rather subdued. I think we were worried about our future. Roni had to go home and face her mother. It was even possible that her mother had heard about what happened at school. I would have to go home and pretend like everything was okay.

I dropped Roni off at her home and waited to make sure she got in safely. I even waited a few minutes to make sure she didn’t come back out. I was afraid she might get into a fight with her mother and storm out of the house. When she didn’t, I headed home.

When I entered the house, I could hear Stacy giggling from the family room. I cautiously peeked inside, and she was sitting on the sofa with Craig. She was rubbing the front of his jeans, and he kept playfully batting her hand away. “Stop it, you tease,” he warned her. “One of these days I’m going to pull it out and fuck the shit out of you.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” laughed Stacy. “I told you my mother would kill me if I got pregnant.”

“You could at least jerk me off,” he said in a pleading voice.

“Maybe someday,” giggled Stacy. She reached down and rubbed his erection through his jeans. “I’m just not ready yet to do anything yet.”

“You always say that,” angrily responded Craig. He rose and stopped suddenly when he noticed me peeking behind the door. I turned and hurried to my room.

“Shit!” I moaned as I rushed into my room and threw my bookbag on the bed. “He saw me!” My heart was pounding, and my cock was rock hard from watching Stacy rubbing him. I headed for the door to go to the bathroom across the hall. When I noticed Craig coming down the hallway, I hurried into the bathroom and closed the door. I was afraid he was going to confront me about seeing him and Stacy together. Before I was able to lock the door, he pushed it open and entered the bathroom.

“What do you want, Craig,” I asked nervously. There was no one home but me and Stacy, so if he wanted to hurt me, there was no one to stop him.

He closed the bathroom door and locked it. He looked over with a grin on his face. “I think you know what I want, Seth.” He reached down and pressed on his erection.

My eyes widened, “I…I…I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I stammered nervously. I watched in disbelief as he unzipped his pants, reached in and pulled out his huge cock. There was glistening precum on the tip.

“Sure you do,” he replied as he approached. “Stacy got me all worked up, and I need some relief.” He gripped my hand and tried to pull it toward his hard cock.

“Don’t, Craig,” I pleaded. “I don’t do things like this.”

He smiled and said, “Sure you do, Seth. I saw how you looked at it in the hospital.” He gripped my hand tighter and forced me to wrap my hand around his cock. It was hard as a rock. I couldn’t believe how large it is. I’m only about six inches. Craig must be at least seven or more. He gripped his hand over mine as he forced me to masturbate him. I wanted to pull away, but I couldn’t. I found our encounter exciting- and dangerous. Stacy was downstairs. She could come up at any minute searching for Craig.

Craig’s body stiffened, and he moaned, “Yeah, Seth. That feels good.” He continued to hold my hand as I jerked him off. Suddenly, we heard Stacy’s footsteps on the stairs.

“Shit,” muttered Craig as he pulled his pants up and quickly zipped them.

“Craig?” hollered Stacy. “Where are you? You’ve been gone a long time.”

He looked over with a panicked look on his face. “I’m taking a shit, Baby!” he hollered. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

“I’ll wait,” giggled Stacy.

“Fuck!” whispered Craig. He looked around and then opened the shower curtain on the tub. “Get in,” he said as he pulled my arm and helped me inside the tub.

Before closing the curtain, he leaned toward me and whispered. “If you say a word about this to anyone, I’ll fucking kill you. Got it?” My eyes widened as I nodded my head. He pulled the curtain closed.

A second later, I heard the toilet flush, and then he opened the door. “Hey, Baby,” he cooed.

Stacy replied, “It’s about time.”

“Hey,” he laughed. “A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do.” I then heard them walking away.

My body sunk to the floor of the tub. “Fuck!” I moaned as I recalled what had just happened. Craig forced me to have sex with him. If Stacy hadn’t come up the stairs when she did, I couldn’t imagine what might have happened.

“Fuck!” I moaned again.