Reggie's Journal

Entry 14

It’s Wednesday night and I want to write a little because with it being Thanksgiving weekend I might not have much time. Mom makes a big deal out of it. She invites my grandmother and a few other relatives over. Most of them are old so it’s not much fun for me. I usually go to my room after we eat. Last year was really embarrassing because she had me come downstairs and read a poem I wrote for my literature class. It was something about peace, and the teacher had given me an A+ and wrote in red ink how good she thought it was. I didn’t think it was because I wrote it in about 15 minutes because I forgot it was due and wrote it on the bus that morning. But anyway, she called me downstairs and made me stand in the middle of the family room while my grandmother and two aunts and uncles sat and listened to me read it. They even applauded when I finished which made it even more embarrassing. I’m glad I didn’t show her any of my work this year, so maybe I won’t have to do anything embarrassing.

I had to work at the crisis center tonight, but Mrs. Armstrong let me and Caryn leave early since it was a holiday. Besides, the phones were dead most of the night which I thought was unusual because I would have thought that they would be busier during the holiday. I was worried since it was Thanksgiving that a lot of kids would call because they weren’t very thankful for much, but I guess I was wrong. I’m glad she let me leave because I spent most of the night worrying that Jayson might call again. It was easier talking to him when I didn’t know who he is, but now that I do, I’m not sure I can talk to him without sounding all nervous. Mavis didn’t help because she kept talking about it and kind of prepping me what to say if he did call. I was afraid if he called, she would want to listen to our conversation. I still don’t think it is right that our calls are monitored, but I can understand why they are. But anyway, he didn’t call so I was kind of glad about that.

I talked to Perry tonight, or I should say I chatted with him. When I turned on my computer, I looked to see if he was online and he was. So I gave him a big smiley face when we started chatting. He returned an emoticon that waved at me. I started laughing when I saw it. Then he asked me if I was upset about him not being in school and I told him I really missed seeing him. He said he was sorry and he’d give me a big kiss to make it up to me. I LOL and told him that he was going to wake up Little Reggie and he LOL and said that Little Perry was already awake. So that really woke up Little Reggie. Perry said he missed me and I kind of got an ache in my chest but I didn’t tell him that. So I asked him about tomorrow and if he was doing anything special. He said his Mom bakes a turkey and they eat early so his dad can watch the football games. I told him about how we spend Thanksgiving and I said I wished there was a way we could spend it together. So he told me to wait a minute and he stopped chatting for a few minutes while I just waited for him to come back. When he did, he asked me if I wanted to come to his house for Thanksgiving. He said he went and asked his mother if he could invite me and she said yes. I hear the phone ringing downstairs and he tells me his mother is going to call my mother and see if I can. A few minutes later, my Mom called me downstairs and asked me if I wanted to go to the Morgan’s for Thanksgiving and I said “I don’t know.” I was afraid to act excited because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I mean Thanksgiving and Christmas are holidays you’re supposed to want to spend with your family, right? So if I acted excited, she might think that I don’t want to be with her and Dad, but I’m 16 and a really cute boy likes me and even kissed me and he wants me to spend it with him. So I wouldn’t be too selfish if I did want to be with him rather than my parents, right? Anyway, she said I could and I said thanks. I waited until I got to my room before I got all excited. When I told Perry that she said I could, he got excited too. He said he’d show me his room and maybe even kiss me again if I wanted to do that, and I told him I did.

So Thanksgiving is going to be fun. I hope we get a chance to be alone, so I can give him a really really big kiss. I’ll write more when I get back tomorrow night.

IF YOU MUST PICK BETWEEN TWO EVILS, CHOOSE THE ONE YOU’VE NEVER DONE BEFORE

I’m back. It’s Friday night and I’ve just spent one of the best holidays ever! I guess I should feel a little bit guilty saying that, but I have to keep it real as Cory would say. I mean I love my parents, but yesterday I spent it with my boyfriend. Yes, I said boyfriend! Perry and I officially became boyfriends today. Okay. Let me explain how that happened.

Dad took me over yesterday to Perry’s house around 11. He didn’t seem too disappointed that I wasn’t going to spend Thanksgiving with them. And to be honest, I kind of suspect that maybe they liked it. After Mom told me that I could spend it with Perry and his family, she decided it would be a waste to spend all morning baking a turkey for just her and dad since my aunt was feeling sick and she and my uncle couldn’t make it. Dad called a nice restaurant and made reservations for him and Mom for Thanksgiving dinner. They invited my grandmother to join them, but she said she’d just like to spend it alone. I guess the holidays aren’t the same anymore since Granddaddy died. Anyway, Mom said it felt like she and Dad were going on a date. Dad asked me on the way to Perry’s if he thought he should buy Mom flowers, and I told him it would be a good idea. I was surprised when we went by a florist and they were open on Thanksgiving Day. The clerk said that a lot of people like to decorate their dinner table with floral centerpieces so that is why they were open. Dad bought Mom a blue corsage. I know she liked it because she was still wearing it when I got home. Sorry. I got side tracked again.

So Dad dropped me off at Perry’s and he was waiting outside for me. He lives in a really nice house. It’s not as big as ours, but it’s still nice. He’s also lucky because the yard isn’t as big as ours and there isn’t a lot of trees. I guess it doesn’t take him long to mow or rake it. Since his parents and little brother, Chris, were at our house for dinner last week, I wasn’t worried about having to meet them. When I entered the house, it smelled really good. I love the smell of Thanksgiving. My stomach always starts growling whenever I smell the aroma of a turkey baking in the oven. It also smelled like his mother was baking a pumpkin pie. I followed Perry into the kitchen and his mother is running around with an apron on that has cute little turkeys on it. I was surprised when she handed an apron to Perry and he put it on. She told him to hurry up and check on the turkey. I couldn’t believe he was actually helping his mother cook. My mother never lets me in the kitchen when she’s preparing a meal. She tells me to get out if I even go in to get a soda out of the refrigerator. But Perry opened the oven and stuck a meat thermometer into the turkey and then told his mom it was almost done. Then he went over to the counter and started peeling potatoes. I walked up beside him and asked him if he wanted me to help but he said no. So I watched his sexy fingers as he peeled about 10 potatoes. Chris came in and said hi to me. He’s cute too, but he doesn’t look like Perry. In fact, none of his family looks like Perry. They all have brown hair and blue eyes. Perry has blonde hair and brown eyes. I asked him last week why he looks different and he said he looks like the mail man. I didn’t know what he meant and he almost feel out of his bus seat when I stupidly asked him who his mail man was. He then told me it was a joke. He says that is what his mother says when people ask her why he doesn’t look like the rest of the family.

After he peeled the potatoes and put them in a big pot, his mother told him that he should show me his room. He got really nervous and started stuttering. He told her he could show me after we eat, but she removed his apron and pushed him from the kitchen. I followed him as we walked through the living room and headed down a long hallway. His room was the last room on the left. It looked like what a boy’s room should look like, not all neat like mine. It looked like he had hurriedly cleaned it up for me. Shoes were sticking out from under the full size bed. His closet door was open and shoes and dirty clothes were laying on the floor. When he saw me look in it, he walked over and quickly closed the door. The cover on the bed looked like he had given it a quick toss because it was lumpy, not smooth like mine. Posters of bands and skateboarders were on the wall. Two skateboards were resting against a corner of the room. I walked over to his computer desk and looked at the numerous games that were scattered about. When Perry walked over and sat down on the side of his bed, I went over and sat down beside him.

He looked at me and smiled nervously. “Well,” he stuttered, “How do you like it?” I told him I liked his room. We sat quietly for a minute as Perry’s legs bounced nervously against the bed. I finally asked him if he was okay, and he stammered out that he was. I kind of giggled and told him he seemed to be nervous and he said he was. So I asked him why, and he shrugged his shoulders. Then I suggested that we play a video game until we had to eat, and he said okay. When we stood, he looked at me and then moved toward me and wrapped his arms around me. I thought it was cute when he let out a little sigh. “I’m glad you’re here.” He had trouble saying here, so I told him to take his time. He nodded, and then said it. I gave him another hug. As I pulled away, Perry closed his eyes and leaned in and kissed me. This wasn’t like the kiss he gave me in my room. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me passionately. My knees started to buckle when he pushed his tongue into my mouth. It kind of surprised me when he did it, but I liked it. So did Little Reggie because he started to wake up. I moaned into Perry’s mouth when he pressed a very awake Little Perry against me. Suddenly, the door opened and Perry’s little brother came barging in. We quickly jumped apart, but not before he saw us kissing. He shouted, “I’m going to go tell Mommy!” as he ran from the room. Perry walked over and plopped down on the side of his bed. I stood in the middle of the room. I didn’t know if he wanted me to stay or go back downstairs. I asked him if he was okay and he said he was. I hesitated before sitting beside him. I asked him if we were going to be in trouble and he kind of laughed nervously. He started stuttering when he explained that it was all right. I took his hand and held it as he told me his mother and father were trying to keep his brother from finding out he was gay, at least until he was old enough to understand. Now he was afraid his mother might be upset because she would have to discuss it with him. I told him I was sorry, but he said I didn’t have to be. He said he’d been waiting all morning to kiss me. That was why he had been so nervous earlier because he was worried I might not want to kiss him again. I giggled and told him he could kiss me anytime he wanted because I really liked it. He said he did too. We both wanted to kiss again, but Perry kept looking at the door. I’m glad we didn’t because his father appeared and came into the room. At first I was scared, but his father didn’t seem angry. He got a chair from Perry’s desk and came over and sat down in front of us. His father looked down when Perry reached out and held my hand tightly, but he didn’t say anything. His father then told us we’d have to be more careful around his little brother. He said he was still too young to understand what was going on. Perry and I nodded, but we didn’t say anything. His father said that Perry’s mother was downstairs having a talk with Chris. He told Perry that he might have some questions about what he witnessed earlier. He instructed Perry to try and keep things simple and not to go into too much detail about being gay. We hung our heads when he said he wished we had been more careful. Perry stuttered terribly when he told his father the door had been closed, but Chris came rushing in. He started to cry and asked his father if he was mad at him. Mr. Morgan reached out and gave him a big hug and assured him that he nor his mother were upset. He warned us again to be more careful. He then got up and left the room.

Perry let out a deep sigh when he was gone. I asked him if he was okay, and he smiled and said he was. Just then his mother hollered down the hall and told us dinner was ready. As we walked to the door, Perry closed it and locked it. He grinned and said, “We gotta be more careful.” I giggled as he stepped toward me and kissed me again. It wasn’t as big a kiss as the one he’d given me earlier, but it was still a nice kiss. He then unlocked the door and I followed him down the hall to the dining room.

We sat down and Perry’s dad asked Chris to say grace. He muttered something really quickly because he was in a hurry to eat. I can’t blame him. My mom is a good cook, but Perry’s mom is even better. The turkey seemed like it melted in my mouth. I ate so much, my stomach was hurting when I finished. Perry didn’t look like he was feeling too good either. We moaned when Mrs. Morgan asked if we still had room for pumpkin pie. Perry asked her if we could eat it later and she said it would be all right. His brother told her he wanted a piece- a big piece. I don’t know where he put it, though. Even though he’s rather small, he ate almost as much as me. Perry got up from the table and I followed him out the back door. As soon as I stepped out onto the patio, a huge golden retriever came running up to me. Perry told me that was Sampson and even though he was big, he was as gentle as a kitten. I found that out quickly enough when Sampson jumped up and started licking me in my face. Perry picked up a ball and tossed it out into the back yard. Sampson ran after it and brought it back for me to toss. We played with him for about 20 minutes before he finally grew too tired to run anymore.

I’m going to go downstairs and get a soda and a bag of chips. BRB.

BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS, YOU’VE ALREADY READ IT

Sorry. It’s Saturday afternoon and I didn’t get back last night to write any more. I guess my parents felt guilty that we didn’t spend Thanksgiving together, so Mom suggested that we go somewhere and get ice cream. It’s November and she wants ice cream. But I didn’t complain when she said I could drive. We ended up at Coldstone’s on the day after Thanksgiving on a cold November night. The place was empty and I think even the girl behind the counter was surprised to see someone come in. I think the only reason Mom suggested going was because she wanted to get me out of the house so she could ask me about Perry. She wanted to know if I had fun at his house on Thursday and I told her I did. She asked me how good the food was, so I lied and told her it wasn’t as good as hers which made her happy. When we finished, she let me drive around town for a little while. I did good until a car in front of me stopped suddenly and I almost hit it. Then I had to listen to a 10 minute lecture from Dad about following another car an assured clear distance. I was going to tell him I already learned it, but I was afraid he would think I was getting smart and he wouldn’t let me drive again. But other than that, I did pretty good.

Let me reread what I wrote last night. I think I was talking about something. Oh, right. I was going to tell how I became Perry’s boyfriend. I like the sound of that- Perry’s boyfriend. Okay, here’s what happened. Hold on. Mom just told me Mrs. Armstrong is on the phone and wants to talk to me.

I have to go. Jayson has been calling the Talk Line all afternoon and he says he’ll only talk to me. It’s only 4 and I’m not supposed to be there until 6, but she asked me if I could come in early in case he called back. She says he sounds really desperate. I’m kind of scared. I think I’ll let Dad drive me because if I drive, I’ll probably have a wreck. I’ll write more when I can.

NEVER ACT UNTIL YOU HAVE CLEARLY ANSWERED THE QUESTION: “WHAT HAPPENS IF I DO NOTHING?”

It’s Sunday afternoon and I just got out of bed. I didn’t get in bed until around 6 this morning because I was at the hospital all night. Okay. I guess I should explain what happened. I’m still really tired, so I hope this makes sense. Mrs. Armstrong called me and told me Jayson wanted to talk to only me, so I went in early to the crisis center. Mavis was there, but she was crying and really worried about Jayson. I guess Jayson had called about 15 minutes earlier and she answered the phone. He disguised his voice like he always does, but she knew it was him and asked him what was wrong. The thing is, though, she called him Jayson when she said it. He hung up without saying anything. She called his cell phone several times but he wouldn’t answer. She said she tried calling his parents, and then Cory but no one was answering their phones. So to say she was frantic when I got there would definitely be an understatement. Anyway, I sat around waiting for him to call back while the others answered the phones. They were really busy. I guess a lot of kids were depressed because of the holiday. A couple of girls called in to talk about their boyfriends getting drunk and hitting them. Mrs. Armstrong said that usually calls do pick up around the holiday because people drink more, and it also makes some people more depressed. So the phones were pretty busy. Mrs. Armstrong didn’t want me to take any other calls because she wanted me to be available in case Jayson called back. I think she was really worried about him. She scared me because she said that Jayson was exhibiting all the signs of someone who was considering suicide. She said when he had called earlier in the day he had made some comments about life not being worth living and he thought people would be happier if he wasn’t around. I still couldn’t understand it because he seems like such a popular person at school. I know Cory hates him, but he’s treated like a big celebrity because he does so well in football and basketball. When I told Mrs. Armstrong about that, she said that sometimes we really don’t know what’s going on inside someone’s head. When I asked her if he could be gay and maybe that’s why he’s acting like he is, she said she hadn’t considered that, but it did seem to be a possibility. She said I just might have hit upon something, so we discussed how we should go about approaching that subject. It made me feel good because I seemed to know more about it than she did.

Okay. I guess I’m taking too long to get to how I spent the night in the hospital. I know someday I’m going to sit down and reread all this and it’s going to bring back a lot of bad memories. Anyway, about 9:40 my phone lights up. I look over at Mrs. Armstrong’s office and she’s motioning for me to pick up the phone, so I know it’s Jayson calling. My hand starts shaking as I pick up the receiver. So I say hello and he starts speaking but he’s slurring his words so bad I can hardly understand what he’s saying. So I say, “Robert, what’s wrong?” and he doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. Then he starts singing softly but I don’t know what he’s singing. So I ask him if he’s all right and he doesn’t answer. Then I ask him where he is and he says, “Heaven.” Okay, now I’m getting scared, and I look over at Mrs. Armstrong and she’s listening and she’s looking really worried. So I ask him if he’s okay again, and he says, “Yeah, Reggie. I’ve never felt better.” Only he was slurring his words so bad I could hardly make out what he said. Then Mrs. Armstrong rushes out of her room and whispers in my ear to ask him if he’s taken any pills. So I ask him and he says, “Yeah. Cool, huh?” Now I’m starting to panic because I know things have become really serious. So I ask him again where he is, and he again says, “Heaven. Dude, I’m seeing angels.” So I scream into the phone, “Jayson, where are you?” So he doesn’t say anything right away. I’m afraid he’s going to hang up because I called him by his real name. Then he starts crying. Well, actually he started sobbing really loudly. Then he cries that he really don’t want to do this. So I ask him what he doesn’t want to do, and he says, “Die.” Okay, now chills go down my back when he says this. Mrs. Armstrong tells me to ask him where he is again. So I ask him and he says he’s in his car. So I try to stay calm while I try to get him to tell me where he is. So I ask him where his car is. He says, “Let me look around.” Only now he is almost whispering and talking really sluggish, so I know that we may be running out of time. So I ask him again where he is and he says he doesn’t know. So now I start to panic. I realize he’s somewhere in his car and he may be dying. Then it hit me where he might be. He went to the stadium last weekend when he was depressed. So I put my hand over the phone and tell Mrs. Armstrong to send the EMS to the parking lot of the school stadium. She rushes into her office and gets on the phone. I try to keep Jayson talking because I know as long as he’s talking he’s not dead.

Okay, I’m starting to cry now because this is so emotional. Hold on. I’m going to take a little break. Okay. I’m back. I called Perry and his mother brought him over and he was with me for about an hour while I broke down and cried really hard. I was lying on my bed when he got here and he just curled up and held me. We didn’t talk or anything, he just held me. I’m really glad he was here because this is something I couldn’t handle by myself.

I’m going to try to finish. I think I’ll be okay now. I try to keep Jayson talking but he doesn’t respond to anything I say. I know he hasn’t hung up because I can hear his car radio playing. So I start screaming his name and Mavis rushes over and asks me what has happened. I tell her I think Jayson is dead, and she grabs the phone and starts yelling at him too. When he doesn’t say anything, she becomes hysterical. Caryn comes over and tries to comfort her while I take the phone back. I yell out his name several more times but he doesn’t answer. Then I can hear a siren, and it gets louder and louder. So I start saying a prayer that they have reached him in time. Finally, I hear his car door open and several voices are talking. Then the phone went dead. So now I start to panic because I don’t know what is going on. I look at the clock and it is 10:17. Mavis came back over and wraps her arms around me and starts sobbing. Since she is rather large, she almost pulled us both to the ground. Mrs. Armstrong comes out of her office and tries to console her by telling her that they were taking Jayson by helicopter to the hospital. I felt a little bit relieved because they wouldn’t be taking him to the hospital if he was dead. But then again, they wouldn’t be taking him by helicopter unless he was in critical condition. Mavis asked if she could leave and go to the hospital and Mrs. Armstrong told her she could. Mavis then told me to get my coat because I was going with her because she didn’t want to drive alone. I called my Dad and told him what had happened and he told me he’d meet me at the hospital.

I was worried we would never get to the hospital because Mavis kept running red lights. Well, not really running them, but she’d slow down and look both ways and if no one was coming, she’d go through it. I’m going to ask my driver’s education teacher Tuesday if you can do that if you’re going to the hospital because of an emergency. I bet he tells me no. Anyway, we finally get to the emergency room and Mavis goes up to the woman at the desk and asks her about Jayson. She looks at her computer monitor and says that a Jayson Williams hasn’t been admitted. Mavis starts insisting that he is there and she wants to go back and see him. A security guard comes in and asks what’s wrong, so Mavis explains to him what has happened. He was polite and asked us to have a seat while he goes back and checks to see if Jayson has been brought in. We sit down but Mavis is still crying. She holds my hand so tight she’s cutting off the circulation. About 10 minutes later the security guard comes back out and calls us over to the corner of the emergency room. I hold my breath because I’m afraid he’s going to tell us that Jayson is dead. I think Mavis does too because she’s almost hysterical again. So he tells us that Jayson has been brought in. Mavis asks how he is but the guard says he can’t tell her because a doctor has to talk to us about that. But he says really softly, “I will tell you that he’s alive.” Then Mavis lets out a loud scream and falls down on the ground. She’s still got a hold of my hand, so I fall down too. She’s crying and then I start to kind of cry a little because Jayson isn’t dead. The guard manages to get Mavis up and helps her to a seat. I look around the room and there are about 8 people in there and they are all watching us. Finally, she settles down a little so the guard tells us that he hopes Jayson will be okay and he leaves. So Mavis and I sit there while she holds my hand tightly. She gets up about every 10 minutes to ask the woman behind the desk if there is any news about Jayson. Of course she won’t tell her anything, so we just wait.

Dad showed up and I told him what was happening. He walked over and talked to the receptionist. I heard him tell her he was Dr. Ferguson, but Dad looks like a college professor, so I don’t think she believed he was a medical doctor. Anyway, she told him the same thing she told Mavis. Dad sat around with us for about 15 minutes and it’s now almost midnight. He asked me if I was ready to go home, but I told him I’d like to stay with Mavis. She assured him she’d bring me home after we found out how Jayson was. He agreed and left. I was kind of surprised that he let me stay, but it made me feel good to know that he felt I was old enough to be left alone at a hospital with a person he didn’t even know.

This is getting long, but I want to finish telling what happens. I’m still really really tired and it’s almost 4. Mom looked in and saw me writing. I guess she thought I’d still be asleep. She asked me if I was hungry and I had to think a few seconds until I realized I hadn’t eaten anything since lunch yesterday. I told her I was and she’s downstairs now fixing an early dinner. So I may have to leave in a minute to go eat.

So anyway, about 12:30 last night Cory and his parents came rushing into the emergency room. Mavis immediately started crying again as she hugged them. Cory gave me the weirdest look like why was I sitting with his cousin in the waiting room. Cory’s parents went over to the receptionist to see how Jayson was. Mavis and I didn’t know how they knew that Jayson had been taken to the hospital since she couldn’t get them on their phone. Cory told her that they had attended a play downtown and had turned their phones off. They didn’t know anything had happened until they got home and their home phone was flashing. The hospital had called and informed them that Jayson was at the hospital and that they should get there right away. He looked at me and asked me why I was there and I explained to him about volunteering at the crisis center and how Jayson had been talking to me. Just then his parents came up to us and asked if we knew what was going on because the receptionist wouldn’t tell them anything and she told them a doctor would be out shortly to talk to them. Mavis told them about Jayson calling the crisis center and how she thought that maybe he had taken some pills. I tried to assure them that he would be okay because the ambulance had arrived and taken him by helicopter to the hospital. Cory’s mom sat down and started crying really hard and Mavis sat beside her and they both sobbed pretty loud. Everyone was looking at them. Even Cory seemed visibly upset and had to wipe tears from his eyes a few times. I sat beside him and kept telling him everything was going to be all right, but I wasn’t sure it would be because I thought that he might be dead since no one was telling them anything.

Finally, a nurse came through a door and asked for Jayson’s parents. They got up and followed her through the door. Mavis and Cory wanted to go, but the nurse told them they couldn’t, only his parents could go back. So we waited around for about fifteen minutes until Cory’s dad came back out. Cory’s dad is really really tall and he doesn’t show any emotion. He never even cried after I told everyone what had happened. And it was Mavis who comforted Cory’s mother when she was upset. He sat in a chair and remained motionless which I thought was really strange since Jayson could be dead. So anyway, we stand as he walks over and Mavis becomes frantic again, asking if Jayson is dead. I held my breath waiting for him to tell him he was, but he didn’t. He said Jayson was alive. Mavis starting wailing and you would have thought that she was just told that Jayson had died. I waited for Cory’s dad to comfort her, but he didn’t. So Cory and I gave her a hug and told her everything was okay. When she settled down, Cory’s dad told us what happened, but he seemed really angry about it, not sad like I thought he should be. He said that Jayson had tried to kill himself. He was really mad when he said it. He said the doctor told them that they had gotten Jayson to the hospital in time and had pumped out his stomach and given him medication to reverse the effects of the drug he had taken. He didn’t say what it was. He said he was awake, but he wouldn’t talk to anyone about what happened. Again, he seemed really mad about what Jayson had done. I thought he’d be happy that Jayson was alive, but if he was, he didn’t show it. He then told Cory he was going home and asked if he’d like to go with him. Cory told him that he’d rather stay, so he left by himself. It really surprised me, but Cory and Mavis didn’t seem upset that he had left. Cory even made a comment about that was what he expected his father to do. So we sat back down and I’m trying to figure out why he would leave his son in a hospital bed and go home and act as if he didn’t even care that he had almost died a few hours earlier.

After about a half hour, Cory’s mom finally comes out into the waiting room. She tells us pretty much the same thing that his father had told us. She didn’t seem surprised that he had gone home either. So she sits down and tells us that Jayson would be all right. She said the doctor told her that if help hadn’t arrived when it did, then she might be planning Jayson’s funeral. They told her how a boy at the crisis center had alerted them to where he was. Of course, Mavis had to get upset again and tell Cory’s mom that I was the boy who they were talking about. Cory’s mom started crying and hugged me so hard I almost couldn’t breathe. She kept calling me Jayson’s guardian angel, which I didn’t think I was. Cory kept staring at me like he couldn’t believe what was going on, and I honestly didn’t know either. So after a few minutes, his mother got up and said she’d find out when Jayson would be released. If they were going to hold him overnight, then Mavis could take me and Cory home. By then I was getting really sleepy. I think all the adrenaline had drained from my body and I was feeling really really tired. About 15 minutes later she came back out and said that Jayson would be released in about 2 hours. I looked at the clock at it was already almost 1:30. She asked if we’d mind waiting and we said we would. Since Mavis was 18, she told Mavis she could go back and see Jayson. I wasn’t sure that was a good idea since Mavis tends to get really emotional, but she left with Cory’s mom. Cory and I sat down together on a hard love seat. Cory looked over and said, “Thanks.” I know he said it because he thought I’d saved his brother’s life. So I nodded and said, “Okay.” A few minutes later we both closed our eyes and fell asleep. I was awakened when I felt him lean into me and his head rested on my shoulder. I was too tired to say anything, so I fell back asleep.

The next thing I knew I was being awakened by Mavis. She was jiggling my shoulder. When I became more awake, I suddenly realized that Cory had fallen asleep with his head in my lap and my arm was sort of cradling him as he slept. He awoke and sprang up quickly when he saw the position he was in. He kind of looked at me and muttered, “Sorry.” I was a little disappointed because I had been asleep the whole time and didn’t realize I had been holding Cory like that. So anyway, Mavis told us that Jayson was being released and they should be out shortly. I looked at the clock and it was almost 4:45. About 15 minutes later, Jayson and his mother came out into the waiting area. Jayson looked really bad. I guess bad isn’t the right word. He looked really really sad. I almost wanted to cry when I saw the expression on his face. He kept his head down and only looked up once. He gave me a puzzled look because he probably was wondering who I was. When we left, I followed behind everyone. His shoulders were drooped and he acted like he didn’t even want to go to the car. Mavis grabbed his hand and almost had to pull him. When we got in the car, I sat beside him. He looked again at me and his eyes looked empty. There was no expression on his face. It was as if he was lifeless. It kind of scared me. No one said anything as they took me home. When I got out, Cory said, “Thanks again, Reggie.” I looked at Jayson as he raised his head and just stared blankly at me. I think it was the first time he realized I was the Reggie who had saved his life.

Mom was up when I entered the house. She was dressed in her nightgown and drinking a cup of coffee in the kitchen. She asked me if Jayson was okay and I told her he was, but the look on his face made me think that maybe he wasn’t. She asked me if I was hungry, and after thinking about it, I told her I was. She made me a breakfast of eggs, sausage and toast. After eating, I went to my room, toed off my shoes and crawled into bed without even taking my clothes off. It’s almost 8, so I’m going to call Perry and thank him for being with me earlier. I think I’m falling in love with him. No, I know I’m in love with him. I wasn’t sure until what happened today when he came over when I really needed him to be here. He just held me for an hour and once in a while gently kissed my neck and told me everything would be all right. So yeah, I know I’m in love with him. I hope he’s in love with me.

SUICIDE IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM

It’s Wednesday night, and I didn’t go to the crisis center. I couldn’t, not after what happened on Saturday. I’ve seen Cory, but he isn’t talking about his brother. I’ve asked him a few times and he kind of brushes me off by saying he’s okay. I haven’t seen Jayson in school. Usually he eats across the cafeteria with his football buddies, but he hasn’t been there all week. I wish Cory would talk to me about it. He’s just acting really strange. He’s hardly talking to anyone which is unusual for Cory because he’s always talking to someone. I’m just going to have to get him alone and make him tell me what’s going on. I at least deserve that much. I’m having trouble sleeping at night. Every time I fall asleep, I wake up when I start having nightmares about Jayson killing himself. I don’t know why he did it. I mean if you could just see him. He’s really good looking and popular. If just last week someone would have asked me who would be the person least likely to do something like that, he probably would have been at the top of my list, even though I don’t know him very well, except what Cory has told me. So I’m really really confused by the whole thing. I’m glad I was there to save his life last Saturday. I keep having this weird feeling that maybe I was meant to be there Saturday. Maybe that is why Elizabeth forced me to volunteer at the crisis center. It’s just really strange. But I know one thing, I need to talk to Jayson, even though I doubt he will talk to me. I want to know why he did it so I can move on past this thing. It’s kind of eating away at me right now.

I’m going to finish my homework now and then call Perry later. We chatted earlier but I need to hear his voice. He has a way of making me feel better. I wish he could come over tonight and hold me again like he did Sunday. It just felt right, you know?

CAN A PERSON MAKE LOVE TO YOUR HEART WITHOUT TOUCHING YOU PHYSICALLY?

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I just saw how many words I wrote this week. Mr. Byrd, if you’re reading this, maybe you should give me some extra credit?