I slept like a baby all night. Dad came into the family room before he went to work to check on me. I opened my eyes when he entered. “How are you, Son?” he asked as he approached the bed.
I sat up and told him how well I slept. When he asked if I was in any pain, I lifted my arm, moved it slightly and replied, “Not much.” He handed me a glass of water and some pills and told me to take them.
Just then my mother entered and asked me if I wanted her to make me anything for breakfast. I was hungry because I hadn’t eaten much at dinner, but I told her that I just wanted a bowl of cereal. I could go into the kitchen and grab something later.
My father smiled and informed me that my mother was in a good mood last night. I pushed from my mind what he was probably suggesting. However, I was happy that they seemed to be getting along better. In fact, she was humming a song when she left the room.
I was hoping that she was changing. I guess my fall might have scared her. And calling Jeff to help me was a good idea. She was able to spend some time with him and realize that he isn’t a sex crazed monster who only wanted to seduce her son. From her reaction last night, she seemed to even like him. Maybe Tracy was right when he suggested that Jeff should be my boyfriend. I still wasn’t sure I was ready to share my life with just one person; but if it makes things easier at home, then I am willing to try it.
Mom brought me a tray with milk, orange juice, toast and a bowl of Cheerios. As I ate, Dad rose and said he had to go to work. He brushed back my hair and told me he would see me later. Minutes later, Mom appeared at the door and informed me she was leaving. “Be careful, Jack,” she warned. “Don’t move around too much or you might fall again.” I assured her I would be careful. She smiled and left.
As I ate, I wondered if things were beginning to return to normal. Maybe Mom was beginning to accept the situation. I wasn’t sure how long it would last, but I decided that I would be careful and not do anything to upset her again. She now knows that I’m gay. She seems to accept that. Now, if I can only get her to accept my friends. She likes Jeff. I have to get her to accept Tracy, too.
After eating, I placed my tray on the table beside me. I wanted to take it into the kitchen, but I decided that I would let Mom or Dad take it. If I fell again, there would be no one to help me. Jeff and Tracy were at school. I guess I could call Jimmy, but he may not be home. His ten-day suspension was almost over, but his dad kept him busy doing chores around the house. He might be outside and not hear the phone ring. Then I would have to call 9-1-1, and I didn’t want to do that.
I turned on the television to a movie and carefully climbed out of bed to go sit in the chair by the window. It made the time go faster if I could look out and watch the traffic and neighbors walking by. Mrs. Jenkins, our next-door neighbor, had waved at me a couple of times. She stopped by yesterday and asked my mother how I was doing. I couldn’t hear what she said, but Mrs. Jenkins left hurriedly without saying goodbye.
I nodded off briefly, but I was awakened when the phone rang. “Hey, Doofus.” It was Jimmy. “Whatcha doing?” I told him I was sitting by the window watching a movie. “Hang on,” he said. “I’ll be there in a few.” Several minutes later, he knocked on the door and then entered.
He walked over and asked me how I was doing. He pulled up a foot stool and sat before me. “I’m okay,” I replied. I then spent the next few minutes telling him about my fall yesterday and what the doctor had said.
“You should have called me,” he responded when I told him that I called Jeff to help my mother get me up. He seemed hurt that I hadn’t.
“Sorry,” I apologized. “Jeff was the first person I thought of.”
He replied, “I’m your best friend. You still should have called me.”
We sat and watched the movie in silence. Jimmy kept looking over at me, and I knew he wanted to say something. “What?” I asked.
He gave me a puzzled look and responded, “What? I didn’t say nothing.”
“I know you, Jimmy,” I replied. “What is on your mind?”
He shrugged his shoulders and said, “I dunno.”
I giggled and asked, “So, we’re going to play this game?”
“Okay,” he said. He paused a minute before asking, “How do you feel about me?”
“What?” I asked surprisingly. I wasn’t sure what he was asking. Jimmy has been my best friend for years. He’s just Jimmy. I never really felt anything for him. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know,” he said timidly. “I mean, have you ever…” he stopped and looked at me. “I mean, you’re gay, right?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“Well,” he stammered nervously. “Did you ever think about… you know… having sex with me?”
“What!” I shrieked. “No!.”
A puzzled look appeared on his face. “Why not?” he asked. “I’m not ugly or anything, am I?”
I started laughing. “Jimmy, why are you asking me this?”
He shrugged his shoulders again. “I dunno,” he replied. “I sort of thought about it. That's why I helped you out the other day.”
“What!”
“Yeah,” he asked. “Remember when we used to play around?”
“We were about eleven,” I reminded him.
“Yeah,” he replied. “But it was fun. I’ve thought about doing it again.”
“When?”
“Last year,” he informed me. He started to blush and added, "You know. Late at night.
I started laughing. “That’s too much information.”
“But didn’t you ever think about doing it again?” he asked.
I smiled and said, “Not really. In fact, I never thought about it until…”
“Until when?”
“Well,” I replied. “Until Tracy moved in across the street.”
Jimmy leaned forward and asked, “Have you had sex with him?” My face reddened, and I didn’t even have to answer. “You have, haven’t you?” he asked.
“Jimmy,” I replied. “I can’t tell you when I have sex.”
“Why not?” he asked. “I’d tell you.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” I said.
“Sure, I would.”
“Okay,” I challenged him. “Have you ever had sex with a girl?”
His eyes widened. I don’t think he was prepared for me to ask him that. After his face reddened, he admitted that he had never been with a girl. “Have you ever kissed a girl?” He timidly shook his head.
“What about you?” he asked. “Have you had sex with anyone else?” When I didn’t answer, he asked, “What about Tyler or Brian?”
“Not since we were about eleven or twelve,” I answered. “Have you?” When he looked away and his face reddened, I shouted, “You have! When?”
He scooted closer and looked around the room to see if anyone was listening. I started laughing because of how he was cautiously acting. “Okay,” he replied, “but you have to promise me you won’t tell anyone.” When I assured him I wouldn’t tell, he told me that he and Brian messed around occasionally.
“He doesn't do anything, but he lets me.”
“Really?” I asked surprisingly. I had no clue that they had been messing around recently. I figured they probably did something years ago like we did, but he seemed to be suggesting that they still do it.
He sat back and challenged, “Now you.”
“Me, what?”
“Who else have you had sex with?”
“Well, Tracy,” I responded before adding, “And Jeff.”
“I knew it!” he replied. “I could tell you guys were doing it. Is that why you called him yesterday and not me?”
I shrugged my shoulders and said, “Probably.”
“Are you going steady?” he asked.
“No,” I replied. “He wants to, but I’m not sure yet.”
“What’s that mean?”
I shrugged my shoulders and said, “I’m not sure I want to be with just one guy right now. I’m only sixteen.”
“Yeah,” he smiled. “Play the field for a while.”
“You’re an idiot,” I laughed. “Just last week you were going to beat me up because I’m gay. Now, you’re telling me you’re just as queer as I am.”
A worried look appeared on his face. “You ain’t going to tell anyone, are you?”
“No,” I assured him. “But why didn’t you say something?”
He responded quickly, “Why didn’t you?”
“I guess we were both hiding secrets, huh?” I asked.
“Looks that way,” he replied. We became silent for a little while as we absently watched the movie on the television. I guess both of us were processing what he had just revealed to each other. All this time we were both realizing we were gay, but we were too afraid to say anything. I became moody while Jimmy tried to hide his secret by talking about Tracy. Suddenly, an idea hit me.
I looked over at Jimmy and asked, “You like Tracy, don’t you?”
He gave me a puzzled look before saying, “No. Of course not.”
“Yes, you do,” I smiled. “Admit it, you like him.”
“No, I don’t,’ he insisted. He paused a few seconds before confessing, “Okay. Maybe a little.”
“I knew it,” I smiled. “If you like him, why were you so mean to him?”
“I dunno,” he replied as he shrugged his shoulders.
Suddenly, the word poof had a new meaning. Jimmy liked Tracy, but he saw him as being too feminine. If he associated with Tracy, then people would begin to ask him why.
“Listen,” I said. “Tracy is a great guy. You need to just give him a chance.”
“I know he is,” he responded as his face reddened. “But he’s not like us.”
I gave him a puzzled look and asked, “What does that mean?”
“I dunno,” he replied. “He’s…he’s… too poofy.”
“Do you know just how stupid that sounds?” He looked at me and frowned. “You just admitted that you’re gay, but you can’t like another gay guy because he’s too gay.”
He frowned and replied, “That’s messed up, isn’t it?”
“Just a little bit,” I laughed.
He replied, “Okay, I’ll work on it. But I can’t promise you anything.”
I smiled and said, “It’s a start.”
Suddenly, I had to go to the bathroom. When I rose, Jimmy grabbed me around the waist and asked me where I was going. “I have to pee,” I informed him.
“I’ll help you,” he replied and then added quickly, “That is unless you want to call Jeff.”
“Help me to the bathroom.” Once inside, I thought Jimmy would leave, but he leaned against the door and watched. “Do you mind?” I asked.
He responded, “I want to enjoy the show.”
“Have it your way,” I said as I dropped my pajama bottoms and started peeing into the toilet. When I finished, Jimmy approached and held me around the waist.
His face reddened when he asked me, “Do you want me to wash you again?” Before I realized what was happening, he reached down and started rubbing me.
I tried to stop him. “This isn’t a good idea,” I insisted. However, I couldn't stop him.
"Why? We're just having a little fun. No one will know." He grinned and added, "Unless you tell Jeff."
“Yeah,” I grinned. I never thought of Jimmy as boyfriend material, but I guess we could have had some fun. A friend with benefits.
“That was awesome!” he cheerfully said when we finished.
I grinned and agreed, “It sure was.” Jimmy handed me my pajama bottoms and helped me put them on. He grabbed me around the waist and helped me back to my seat by the window.
A worried look appeared on his face as he asked, “You ain’t going to tell anyone about what we did, are you?”
I laughed and replied, “I may tell Tracy.”
“No!” he shrieked. “You can’t do that.”
“Why?” I grinned. “He may dance for you.”
Jimmy asked, “Has he danced for you?”
“Yeah,” I said. “He’s really good. In a couple of months, he’s going to dance in the Nutcracker.”
“What’s that?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “Not really sure,” I replied. “It’s some ballet that’s going to be downtown. He wants me and Jeff to be there.”
“So, he really dances?” Jimmy asked. “I just thought it was something he does in his room.”
“He practices in his room,” I informed him. “He’s hoping to be a real dancer someday.”
“He’s that good?”
“Yeah,” I said. “The next time he’s over and you’re here, I’m going to have him dance for you.”
“I don’t know,” responded Jimmy skeptically. “I still think it’s weird.”
“You’ll change your mind once you watch him,” I assured him.
We sat for the next hour and talked like old friends again. Only this time, Jimmy seemed different. Before, I always felt like he controlled the conversation, and I always agreed with whatever he said. Today, it was like he was interested in how I felt about things. At times it got really strange when we talked about the boys at school who we thought were cute.
“I think Murray Reynolds is hot,” he confessed as his face reddened.
“Really?” I said excitedly. “Murray?” I then told him how I had talked to Murray, Emily and Kelly in the mall the day of my accident.
Jimmy asked hopefully, “You don’t think he’s gay, do you?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. He didn’t say anything about being gay.
“Maybe he’s undercover like us,” he suggested.
“Like you,” I reminded him. “Everyone knows I’m gay now.”
He frowned and said, “Sorry. I guess I’m kind of responsible for that.”
“It’s okay,” I assured him. “People would have found out sooner or later after I hung around Tracy and Jeff.” Suddenly, a thought hit me. “What about us now?”
He gave me a puzzled look. “What about us?”
“If I hang around Tracy and Jeff,” I replied, “That means we can’t be friends at school.”
“Yeah,” he replied somberly. “I never thought about that.” We sat quietly watching television for a few minutes. Occasionally, Jimmy would look over at me, and then he would quickly look away.
Suddenly, he sat up and faced me. “I’m not going to do it,” he said.
I gave him a puzzled look and asked, “Do what?”
“I’m not going to ignore you at school.” He held out his fist and we bumped fists. “We’re friends, and I’m not going to pretend that we’re not.”
“What if other students start asking if you’re gay? What will Tyler and Brian say?”
“I don’t care what they say,” he replied. “I can’t go around hiding it forever.”
“What about your parents?” I asked. “What will they say?”
“I dunno,” he responded worriedly. “Your parents seem to be okay with it.” He gave me a puzzled look when I started laughing. I then told him how my mother had been since she saw me and Tracy in his room.”
He shouted, “She saw you having sex with Tracy?”
“She didn’t see us having sex,” I replied. I grinned and added, “If she had waited a few more minutes she would have.”
Jimmy’s face reddened as he asked, “Is he good?”
“Is he good what?” I asked.
“You know,” Jimmy said as he punched me in the leg. “You know.”
“Yeah,” I grinned. “But he’s not as good as you.”
“Really?” Jimmy responded. “I’m better than him?”
“Yeah,” I laughed. “But he’s pretty good, too. Maybe if you’re lucky, you’ll be able to find out.”
“Really?” Jimmy’s face reddened.
We watched television for a little while longer before Jimmy rose and said he had to head home. “I’m allowed to go back to school tomorrow, so I guess I won’t see you until I get home.”
“It’s been ten days already?”
“Yeah,” he responded. “It seems like it’s been a year.” He sat back down and asked, “When can you go back?”
“I’m not sure,” I replied. “I go back to the doctor Friday. I guess he’ll tell me then.”
“Well,” he said, “When you do go back, I’ll come by and help you.”
I smiled and replied, “You may have to fight off Tracy and Jeff.”
I laughed when Jimmy puffed out his chest and said, “I can handle those two with one hand tied behind my back.”
“Better be careful,” I laughed. “They might take advantage of you.”
He grinned mischievously and replied, “That’s what I’m hoping.” He fisted me and headed out the door.
I watched him stroll down the sidewalk and wondered if Jimmy would really accept Tracy and Jeff as friends. I was skeptical because I know Jimmy too well. I am sure that as soon as he’s faced with the choice of being friends with three gay guys or resorting back to his old self, he might not be able to handle coming out. There is no way he can be our friends without having to let others know he is just like us.