I tried to sleep on the plane, but it was useless. I couldn’t get the past twenty-four
hours out of my mind. Ryan had used me. I knew that now. I cried several times,
when I remembered how he had fucked me just so that Bobby could tape it and
show it to the school.
I guess I should have expected it. I should have known something was up when he
agreed to meet with me. No one could go from bitter hatred to eager anticipation
so suddenly. He had refused to talk to me for days, and then he readily accepted
my apology. I was too blindly in love with him to notice.
However, I was helpless to control anything after I was kidnapped by Randall and
Richard. They were out to humiliate me. As I sat on the plane, I realized that I had
deserved everything they did to me.
I had tormented almost everyone at school. I had walked around like a Greek god,
expecting others to bow to my every whim. I had manipulated others to satisfy me
sexually. I had unmercifully attacked Mark and Bobby, just so I could receive some
sick retribution for the way my father had treated me.
Now I was on a plane heading hundreds of miles to a place I knew absolutely
nothing about. Arkansas. Where the hell is it even located? If I had paid attention
in geography, I might have some idea where I was heading. I knew it was a
southern state. I think it was where President Clinton was from. That’s about all I
I knew even less about my aunt. She was my mother’s older sister. Her name was
Marie Cantrell. She had divorced my Uncle Dwight a couple of years ago. My
mother had wanted me to go live with her when she was imprisoned, but at the
time she was trying to piece her life together.
She had two children- my cousins. One was a girl who must be about nine. The
other was a boy who was a couple years older than me. He must be around
eighteen now. I only met them once when they visited us in Phoenix when I was
I knew I hated my life. At sixteen, when most guys are enjoying the adventures of
boyhood, I was swimming in misery. I don’t think there had hardly been a day in
my life when I had been truly happy. Looking at me, you would think- why is he
complaining? He’s got it all- tall, handsome, wonderful build and intelligent. Most
guys would die to have what I had. But most of the things people admired about
me were exterior characteristics.
If they removed the handsome shell; they’d find an ugly core. They’d find a boy
filled with so much hurt and sorrow; a boy longing for love and affection.
“Are you all right?” The nice flight attendant asked me when she noticed the tears
streaming down my face. She handed me a handful of tissue.
“Yes,” I replied embarrassedly. I didn’t expect anyone to see me crying.
“Are you afraid of flying?” she asked as she sat down beside me. There were not a
lot of passengers on the plane, so we were relatively alone.
“No, Ma’am,” I said politely.
“I’m not a Ma’am,” she laughed. “My name is Sheila.”
“Hello, Sheila.” I wiped the tears from my face with the tissue. “I’m Scott.”
“What’s a cute boy like you doing back here crying?” she asked worriedly.
“If you knew me you wouldn’t think I was so cute.” The tears began to reappear in
“Then tell me about it.” She held the side of my arm and squeezed it gently.
I don’t know why, but I had a sudden urge to release everything that I’d been
holding back for years. I found myself telling a complete stranger my entire life
story. I left nothing out. We must have gone through a box of tissue, wiping the
tears from our eyes. At one point the captain came back to see if everything was
all right, but she just waved him off.
After spending an hour bearing my soul, I felt better. Sheila had been patient. She
let me cry and release a wave of emotion within me. When I was done, she gave
me an enormous hug.
“Well, Scott,” she said as she wiped her eyes dry. “You can put the past behind
you. You’re going to a place where no one knows your past. It will be a new start
for you. I know it’s really cliché, but today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Make the best of it.”
“Thanks, Sheila.” I leaned in and gave her a hug. She had me sit back and close
my eyes. She remained with me until I finally fell asleep. When I awoke later, I
noticed that she would walk down the aisle, checking to make sure I was all right.
We arrived in Little Rock around ten at night. It was dark when I got off the plane.
I took a seat in the waiting area after getting my bags from the luggage stile. I
figured I’d probably have another long wait as I had when I arrived in California.
I had no sooner sat down when a young guy headed my way. He was really hot. If
all the guys in Arkansas looked like him, then I might just like it here. He was
about 6’2” and had the look of a southern farm boy. He didn’t look like the guys in
Phoenix or California. He had a tan that appeared natural on him. His hair was
blond and cut very short. He was built nicely. His biceps were almost busting out
the seams of his shirt. I could see him working long hours shirtless in a field. He
was staring at me with piercing blue eyes as he approached.
He walked quickly over to me and flashed me a smile. He had two really cute
dimples. His teeth were white and perfect. It was infectious. I couldn’t help but
“You Scott?” he asked with a slight southern drawl as he continued to smile.
“Yeah.” I stood and extended my hand. He looked ignored my hand and pulled me
into a hug.
“We don’t shake around here,” he said as he squeezed me tightly. “We give hugs.”
I felt safe wrapped in his strong arms. I’m nicely built, but I felt like a dwarf in his
arms. He released me and stepped back, giving me another toothy grin.
“I’m Alex Cantrell,” he grinned. “Guess we’re cousins, huh?”
“Yeah,” I returned his smile. This guy was definitely hot. I’d just met him and I
already liked him. He just had a genuine friendliness about him. He probably didn’t
have an enemy in the world.
“Where’s your bags?” He looked around and saw my luggage sitting on the floor.
He grabbed the two largest, leaving me the smaller one. I could hardly lift them
when I had taken them to the airport in California. I had to make three trips
because they were so heavy. My uncle had refused to help me. Instead, he sat in
the car drinking a beer.
However, Alex picked them up like they were pillows. He looked back at me.
“Ain’t you coming?” he asked. “It’s a long walk if you stay here.” He started
laughing as he walked away.
I watched his strong back and tight ass as I followed behind him out of the airport.
His jeans were cut tight and accentuated his nicely rounded ass. I was definitely
going to like Arkansas.
He led me to a red pickup truck. He tossed my bags into the back. “Come on.” He
pointed to the passenger’s side. “Let’s head for home.”
I don’t know why, but him saying ‘home’ made me want to cry. I could feel tears
forming in my eyes. I quickly winked them away as I got in the truck. Home was
something I had never really experienced. The way he said it made it seem so
natural. It sounded like a place he really wanted to go to, not run away from.
He drove us out of the airport area and onto an interstate highway. After about five
miles we pulled onto a narrow road, heading south.
“Might as well relax,” he said. “We got about 100 mile drive ahead of us.”
He looked over and laughed when he saw the surprised look on my face.
“Hell, Scott,” he laughed. “This here is Arkansas. We don’t have airports
everywhere like they do in California.”
As we drove, I learned a lot about Alex. He was eighteen, turning nineteen in a
month. He was a senior at a rural high school. He played football, basketball and
baseball. It wasn’t until later that I found out he was the star player in all three
sports. As pitcher, he had led the baseball team to three consecutive state titles.
Not only was he an athlete, he was a scholar. He was in the Honor Society and had
a 3.9 GPA. He embarrassingly admitted he’d be the school’s valedictorian. He had
received four athletic scholarship offers to major universities, but was considering
an academic scholarship to Florida State.
He wanted to be a veterinarian. He said the local vet, Dr. Vorhees, was getting old
and ready to retire. Alex had been working for him since he was twelve. Dr.
Vorhees had helped him get the scholarship on the condition he return and take
over his practice. Alex started to choke up when he talked about the doctor. It was
obvious he felt very close to him.
I kept looking at him in amazement. No one could possibly be this perfect. He was
ruggedly good looking, intelligent and caring. I was falling fast for this guy. Until…
Until he started talking about his girlfriend, Karen. I stared out the window
dejectedly as he talked for over twenty minutes how wonderful she was. They had
been dating for the past three years, but their relationship had become serious the
past year. He said they were still virgins, but admitted with embarrassment that
she had given him a couple of hand jobs. They would be going to the same
university and then marry after graduation.
Alex had his whole life planned out. He was the kind of guy who would definitely
make his dreams come true. I could see him happily married with three kids, two
dogs, and several horses. Everyone would respect him and the whole town would
turn out for his funeral seventy years from now. He had it all. And I felt miserable
He was everything I wasn’t. I was the unloved kid. The kid whose dad had whipped
and beat him until he had no self-respect left. The kid who only felt loved once, and
then he messed up that relationship. No one cared about me. If I died today, they
would have to bury me in a pauper’s grave with no one in attendance. Suddenly,
the tears began to flow again. I began to sniff. I felt Alex’s hand on my arm.
“It’s going to be all right, Scott,” he tried to reassure me. “You’re with family now.
Mom told me all about it.”
I burst into tears. I couldn’t stop crying. I was so embarrassed that Mr. Perfect
beside me was trying to comfort me.
“Please stop and let me out!” I shouted.
I unbuckled my seatbelt and reached for the door handle. I heard the brakes
squeal as Alex stopped the truck. I jumped out and started running into the brush.
We were on a desolate road, miles from anywhere. I had no idea where I was
running. I only knew I had to get away.
I must have run a half mile through the brush. I could hear Alex running behind
me. I knew he could have caught me if he wanted, but he just let me lead. My
lungs began to hurt and I was having trouble breathing. I stopped and fell to the
ground, grabbing at the dusty dirt. I started wailing like a hurt coyote. Alex
stopped and looked down at me.
“Scottie.” He knelt down and pulled me into him. He sat on the ground and placed
me in his lap, wrapping me in his arms. He started gently rocking me and
humming a song. I continued crying for several more minutes, trembling in his
strong arms. He continued to hum a song as he rocked me.
“Why are you doing this?” I cried. “I’m no good. Everyone’s told me that all my
life.” He didn’t respond. He tightened his grip around me and rocked me.
“I’m a goddamned fag!” I screamed. “Everybody hates me!”
I expected him to let me go when I admitted I was gay, but he didn’t. He held me
tighter and continued to hum in my ear. After a few minutes, I stopped crying and
relaxed in his arms. He stopped rocking, but he never stopped holding me.
“Momma used to do this to me when I got upset,” he whispered in my ear. “Feels
good, don’t it?” I nodded my head as I relaxed even more. I rested in his arms for
about another ten minutes. I wiped the tears from my eyes.
“I’m all right now,” I said softly. “Thanks.”
He hugged me a last time, and then he released his arms from around me. I
immediately missed his caress. I stood and held out my hand to help him up. He
grinned at me as he stood beside me.
“You’ll be all right, Scott,” he said. “No one’s going to hurt you here.”
He stepped away and unzipped his pants. He pulled out an enormous cock and
started to piss in the brush.
“Damn,” he laughed. “I’ve had to do that for the last twenty minutes. You were
pressed up again my stomach so tight.”
“I gotta go too,” I said shyly. I started to step away and go behind a bush, but he
“Hell, Scott” he said. “We’re both boys. Here in Arkansas it’s rude not to take a
good piss with your buddy.” He was giving me another of his signature smiles.
I walked over beside him, pulled down my shorts and started pissing beside him.
He looked down and watched as I pissed. I took it that I was also allowed to watch
him as well. For the first time in my life, I felt I had a brother. Standing in that
desolate field, standing side by side pissing into a bush, I felt closer to Alex than I
had anyone in my life.
When we were done, I walked over and gave him a hug. He grinned and hugged
“Thanks Alex,” I said appreciatively.
“Hey, that’s what family is for.” He smiled that toothy smile again. “And don’t start
crying again.” We both laughed as he threw his arm around me and we headed
back to the truck.
“Lucky we haven’t stepped on any snakes,” he said, looking cautiously around. I
could hear him laughing when I tore off in the direction of the road.
The rest of the ride was more enjoyable. He asked me questions about my past,
but this time I was able to speak about it without getting upset. I told him about
my parents, and how I had been treated horribly by my classmates.
I went into some detail about my experience in California, but I left much of the
information out. It was hard to tell him how I had treated Mark and Bobby, and
how they had gotten revenge on me. I definitely didn’t want to discuss the goal
post incident, although I assumed that he had already heard about it.
After about another half hour, we pulled onto a dirt driveway that went about 500
feet to a small wood frame house. It looked exactly like the pictures I’d seen of
southern homes in rural areas. It even had a wrap-around porch. There were
several chairs sitting on it. I could picture Alex and his family sitting there on a hot
evening drinking a cold lemonade or iced tea.
An old German shepard rose and lazily walked over to the truck. He gave a
warning bark when I climbed out of the car.
“Hush, Cricket.” Alex reached down and scratched him behind his ears. “This is
Scott. He’s going to be here a while.” As if he understood, he walked over to me
and waited for me to scratch his ears. I leaned down and started petting his head.
“Cricket?” I asked. “That’s an odd name for a dog.” Alex started laughing.
“Yeah, well when he was a pup, he was very curious,” he stated. “One day I heard
him howling in pain. When I came out a cricket was sitting on his nose. Funniest
sight I ever saw. You would of thought he’d been hit by a car. Since then he’s been
The old dog seemed embarrassed. He walked over and lay down under a tree,
turning his back from us. We both began laughing. Alex threw his arm around my
shoulder and led me toward the house.
My Aunt Marie appeared on the porch, wiping her hands on her apron. She was a
pretty woman. She didn’t seem like she belonged in a farmhouse in rural Arkansas.
I imagined her sitting at a desk on Wall Street. She had an air of sophistication
about her that seemed out of place here.
“Scottie.” She approached me with open arms. She embraced me as I hugged her
back. “I’m so glad you’re here.” I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, but I
started laughing when I looked over at Alex and he made a crying face.
“What is up with you two?” she laughed. “I see you’re getting along.”
“Yeah.” Alex pulled me into him, giving me a noogie. “I’m going to have fun
tormenting my new little brother.”
“I can take care of myself,” I laughed, as I tried to pull free. He wrapped his leg
around mine, sending me flying to the ground.
“Did he tell you he’s taken judo since he was six?” Aunt Marie laughed. “He has a
black belt. I wouldn’t try to mess with him if I were you.”
I thought I’d catch him off guard as he was looking at his mother, but he sensed
me approaching and sent me flying once again to the ground.
“If you’re smart,” she laughed, “you’ll stop while you can still walk.” I reached out
and grabbed Alex’s leg, pulling him to the ground. I then jumped on him and
pinned him. He was laughing too hard to fight back.
“Boys.” Aunt Marie laughed. She then disappeared into the house.
We continued to wrestle. He rolled me over and sat on top of me. I could feel my
dick getting hard as he wiggled around on top of me. He kept looking down and
giving me that heart-breaking grin. Suddenly, I realized he’d never be interested in
me. Why couldn’t I have a boy like Alex? However, he was straight, and it would
not be fair for me to try and take advantage of his natural kindness.
“Let me up, please,” I begged him before I started crying again.
“What is it now?” He said in exasperation. “You sure are the moodiest kid I’ve ever
“You wouldn’t understand,” I said as I headed toward the barn. I had no idea
where I was going. It was just the nearest place around. Cricket rose and started
walking beside me. I walked inside and looked around. There was hay stacked
high, and it had a musty odor. It didn’t smell like the exhaust fumes I’d been
accustomed to in California.
As I was standing looking around, Alex stepped beside me.
“Look, Scott,” he said, “I know you’ve been through some bad shit. Your mother
used to call Mom and complain to her. And that Uncle Roger. He was a real card. I
can’t imagine what you had to put up with. But you’re here now. All that’s now in
the past. You have to look toward tomorrow.”
“You’re the second person to tell me that today,” I laughed.
“It’s true, Scott.” He took me by my shoulders and looked me in the eyes.
“It’s just hard to imagine anything good happening to me,” I said sadly.
“Look at you.” He shook my shoulders. “You’re cute, smart and sensitive. You’ve
really got a lot going for you.”
“It hasn’t gotten me much so far,” I replied sadly.
“Well, tomorrow’s a new day.” He threw his arm around me and led me back
toward the house.
“The sun will come out tomorrow,” he started singing the song from ‘Annie.’
I laughed and started howling like a dog.
“Bet your bottom dollar..”
“Ooowww!” I giggled.
“Hey, I’m not that bad,” he laughed.
“You’re not that good.” I elbowed him in his side.
We walked back to the house. Alex never dropped his hand from my shoulder. I
put my arm around his waist and pulled him into me.
“You think I’m cute, huh?” I giggled.
“Not as cute as Karen, though.” He quickly kissed me on my cheek, gave me a
stupid look and tore off for the house. I chased after him, laughing as I ran.
Maybe it won’t be so bad here after all.
Chapter 6 Return to TMJ