A Different Road
You ever had a best friend who was inseparable from you? Someone that if they
got sick, you got sick, just so you could share their pain. Someone who you knew
would come running if you needed a shoulder to cry on. Someone who would laugh
at all your corny jokes.
That was Brett. My inseparable other. Until yesterday.
I don’t even know what happened. I didn’t even see it coming. One day we were
best friends and lovers. Now he’s not even here to wipe away my tears. Tears that
belong to him. Tears that have flooded from my heart, consumed my soul and now
find their way to my eyes.
He said he had to travel a different road. This one without me. He’s traveling a new
road with someone else. Mine dead ends ahead.
* * * * * * * *
“Gimme back my ball!” The small boy in front of me screamed.
“Wanna play?” I asked. He was new to the playground. I’d never seen him before.
“No. I don’t like you!” he screamed, yanking his ball from my hand.
“Why?” He’d never met me. How could he say he didn’t like me?
“Because I just don’t,” he pouted.
“Brett.” A tall woman walked over and stood beside him. “There you are. What are
you doing over here?”
“He’s mean,” He told his mother, pointing at me.
“Why’s he mean?” she asked patiently.
“He stole my ball,” he replied angrily.
“But you have your ball,” she told him. “He didn’t steal it.” He looked at the ball
then back at me.
“What’s your name?” she asked, patting me on my head.
“Corey Singer, Ma’am,” I responded timidly.
“Well, Corey.” She squatted down and looked into my eyes. “This is Brett. I’m his
mother, Mrs. Weaver.”
“Why’s he mad at me?” I started to cry. “I didn’t steal his stupid ball. I just wanted
to play with him.” She leaned over and took me in her arms. Brett stood back and
watched. Then he began to cry as well. She reached out and pulled him into us.
“I’m sorry,” he cried. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” His mother made us hug each
other. That day Brett became my best friend. He never hurt me again… until
* * * * * * * *
“Corey, can we talk?” He walked into my bedroom and sat down beside me on the
bed. I was reading a book for my lit class. I was glad for the distraction. Paradise
Lost had definitely lost me in the interest category.
I looked over and noticed the serious look on his usually smiling face. He still
looked as good as the day I first saw him. He was growing into a handsome man.
He brushed his dark brown hair aside and looked at me with his penetrating brown
eyes. I could lay and look into his eyes for hours after we made love. They were
soft and warm. In all the years we’d know each other, they had never once looked
angrily at me.
“What is it Brett?” I asked taking his hand in mine. He slowly pulled it away. He’d
never done that before. I looked at him and gave his a questioning look.
“Look, Corey.” Sadness came over him. I don’t know if it was for him or me. “I can’
t do this anymore.” He stood and walked over to the window and looked out.
“Do what, Brett?” I walked over to him and gently threw my arms around him. He
took his hands and pried my fingers loose.
“This, Corey.” He moved away. “I’m sorry.” He turned and I saw tears in his eyes.
I’d never seen Brett cry once since that time we were in the playground. We were
five then. Now at seventeen, he was shedding his first tears.
“What’s wrong?” I was becoming increasingly worried. I knew Brett better than I
knew myself. He wouldn’t be upset unless something was really wrong. He walked
over and grabbed me by my shoulders and stared into my eyes. His brown eyes
were twinkling with tears. I also saw sadness behind them, and it scared me.
“I love you, Corey.” Tears were falling freely down his face. “You know that. But I
can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to be gay.”
“We’re not gay, Brett.” I was trying to understand what he was saying. “We love
each other. That doesn’t make us gay.”
“Damn it, Corey,” he cried. “It does. I can’t live like this anymore. You’ve got us
living our lives together, building a house and adopting children some day. It doesn’
t get any gayer than that.”
“We’re best friends, Brett.” I reached for his hand again, and he pulled away. “I
don’t even think about other guys. Only you.”
“That’s just it, Corey,” he said sadly. “I don’t think that way about you anymore.”
I walked over to the bed and fell down crying. I couldn’t contain my emotions. I
loved Brett. Loved him. If that meant I was gay, then I guess I was. He had
become my life over the past twelve years, and now he was getting ready to walk
out of it.
“I’m sorry, Corey,” he said sadly as he turned to walk away. “It’s just that I’ve got
to travel a different road than you.”
“No, please!” I shouted. “Don’t go! I can’t live without you!” I ran over and clutched
him tightly. I couldn’t let him go.
“I really am sorry, Corey.” Tears were flowing down his face. He turned and
opened the door and left.
Brett had just walked out of my life.
* * * * * * * *
“Hey, Mrs. Weaver.” Brett’s mother had just met me at the door. “Can I see go up
and see Brett?” He hadn’t been in class today. We were in the fifth grade and this
was the first time I could remember him ever missing a day of school.
“Honey, he’s awful sick,” she warned me. “You’d better not. You’ll get sick too.”
“That’s all right. I really want to see him.” Tears formed in my eyes. My best friend
was sick and I wanted to be with him. Without another word, I headed upstairs. His
mother was going to say something, but stopped and laughed instead.
“Hey, Pukeface.” I grinned as I opened his door slightly. He was lying in bed with
the covers over his head. He pulled them back and looked sadly at me. His hair was
tousled all over his head and he looked very pale. His normally bright eyes were
“What are you doing here?” he asked weakly. “You’re going to get what I have.”
“I don’t care.” I walked over and sat on the side of his bed. “Can’t let my best bud
suffer alone.” When he started coughing, I reached over and rubbed his back. He
was wet with sweat. He must have been running a high fever.
Suddenly, he grabbed his mouth and sprinted from the room. I ran behind,
watching his vomit slipping through his hands. I carefully stepped around it. When
I reached the bathroom he was retching violently into the toilet.
I put my hands around his waist and braced him so that he wouldn’t fall. The stink
was horrible, but I didn’t want to leave him. He finished and I walked him back to
bed and helped him in. Then I went out into the hallway and cleaned up the mess
he had made.
“Thanks.” He looked up at me when I returned to the room.
“Hey, no problem,” I assured him. “That’s what friends are for.”
“I don’t think that’s what the friend’s manual says,” he laughed weakly.
“Sure it does,” I replied as I held out my palm and pointed to it. “Right here. Rule
Number 15. Clean up puke off floor when friend is sick.” He started to laugh, but
then began coughing.
“Shut up dickwad.” He rolled over and curled up into a ball. “I don’t feel too good.”
He closed his eyes and started to go to sleep. I took off my shoes, pulled back the
covers and lay down beside him. He sighed when I pulled him into me and held him
tightly. Within minutes he was sound asleep. So was I.
His mother came in several hours later and found us curled up together. She woke
me up and told me I should go on home. My mother had called and said that
supper was ready. I awoke in the middle of the night with sweat pouring off my
body. My stomach felt queasy and I knew I had better get to the bathroom quickly.
I barely made it before I emptied my dinner into the toilet. I guess I had caught
what Brett had. I didn’t care. Rule Number 2 in the friendship handbook: Friends
* * * * * * * *
Where is the damn rule book now? Rule Number 1: Friends don’t hurt friends. I lay
on my bed and cried remembering the time we’d been sick together. We were out
of school for three days. Brett’s mother brought him over and we stayed together
while my mother nursed us back to health. Neither of us could stand to be away
from the other.
Is it possible for your heart to break? I’ve heard of a broken heart, but I was
seriously worried that mine was going to burst. I never imagined that losing
someone could hurt so much. My chest was tight, and the damn tears wouldn’t quit
I kept going back to his words. “I don’t think about you like that anymore.” Like
what? He doesn’t love me anymore? He doesn’t want to have sex anymore?
What? If he’d only tell me, then perhaps I could deal with it. But saying he couldn’t
do it anymore had no meaning.
And what about me? I don’t count in the equation? I don’t have a say in the
matter? He decides he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore and that is it. I
should hate him, but I can’t hate Brett. I could never hate him.
Maybe over the years we had gotten involved too deeply, but we loved one
another. Our friendship had turned to sex, but it didn’t seem to matter. It had
always just seemed the natural thing to do. We always said we weren’t gay; we
were just two close friends. But I knew about a year ago I was probably gay. I
didn’t tell Brett because I wasn’t sure he was. Now I know he isn’t.
“God!” I screamed into the pillow. “I can’t live without him.”
* * * * * * * *
“Where’d you get the magazine?” Brett giggled, opening up the centerfold of the
Playboy we were looking at. I was spending the night and we had waited until
everyone in the house had gone to bed. I didn’t want us to get caught with it. It
was about four months after we had shared the flu.
“In a trash can over on Second Street,” I told him.
“What? Are you some wino now, rummaging through the trash?” He laughed as he
turned the page to a woman with huge tits.”
“Shut up, Fuckface.” I elbowed him in his ribs. “Why are you complaining? You
seem to like the pictures.” We were sitting on the bed in our underwear and it was
obvious that Brett had an erection. I did too.
“Hell, yeah,” He giggled again. “Look at the size of them,” he remarked as he
pointed to a busty blonde. “I’d love to bury my head there.”
“Sure,” I laughed. “Like you’d know what to do with that little worm.” I looked
down and pointed to his dick poking at his underwear.
“It’s not a little worm.” He pulled it out and started stroking it. “I’d know exactly
what to do.”
“You’d probably stick it everywhere but where it should go,” I giggled. He elbowed
me in my side.
“Like you’d know what to do.” He elbowed me again.
“I didn’t say I would.” I pulled down my shorts and began stroking myself. It wasn’t
unusual for us to jack off in front of each other. We’d been doing it for about a year
after we heard a boy in our gym class talking about masturbating. Neither of us
knew what the word meant, so we went to the library to look it up. You should
have seen the look on our face when we found a book about it. It even had pictures
of guys doing it!
At twelve, though, neither of us could produce sperm yet. We learned about that
word too. But we sure liked the feeling we got after we did it a while. Until that
night we had never done anymore than jack each other off once in a while.
“Listen to this,” Brett said excitedly when he began to read one of the stories.
“She took his cock into her mouth and began sucking him. He was moaning and
thrusting his cock deeper into her mouth.” He was rapidly jacking off as he read it.
I watched intently while I continued to stroke mine.
“I wonder what that would feel like?” Brett said huskily. “I can’t wait until I get a
girlfriend and she does that to me.”
“Jerk,” I laughed. “That’s not going to happen anytime soon.”
“Then I guess you’ll have to do it.” He wiggled his eyebrows, and then reached
over, grabbed my neck and tried to push me towards his dick.
“Shit! I’m not going to do that.” I grabbed his hand and pushed it off my neck.
Then I wrestled with him until I had the back of his head and directed it to my
erect cock. He continued to struggle, but he let me lead his head to my dick. When
he licked the head, it sent shudders through my body. He looked up at me.
“If you ever tell anyone I did this, I’ll kick your ass.” He then leaned over and took
my cock in his mouth and began sucking it. I thought I was going to die. It felt
much better than jacking it off. His mouth was warm as he continued to suck me. I
was moaning softly. I couldn’t believe that Brett was giving me a blow job. After a
couple minutes he sat back up and looked over at me.
“Your turn,” he said as he grabbed his cock and pointed it at me.
“I didn’t say I’d suck your dick,” I replied.
“Fair is fair,” he replied. “I sucked yours, now you gotta suck mine.”
“Who said that?” I asked. He opened his palm and pretended to read from it.
“Right here. Rule Number 83.” He looked at me and grinned. “If your friend sucks
your dick, you have to suck his.”
“Damn!” I cried out. “You would have to get out the rule book.” He started giggling.
I leaned over and took his cock into my mouth. He giggled when I put my mouth
around it and started running my tongue around the head.
“It tickles,” he laughed. I took the entire length of his dick into my mouth. He
started moaning, “Oh, man. That feels good.”
I can’t explain it, but having Brett’s cock in my mouth seemed the most natural
thing in the world. He was enjoying what I was doing and that was all that
mattered. I was making my friend happy. I didn’t feel dirty. All the jokes in the
boys’ locker room about girls sucking a guy’s dick made it sound like it was a nasty
thing to do. But I didn’t feel like that.
Brett tried to get me to pull off several times, but I wanted to feel it when he had a
dry orgasm. I wanted to feel him pulse in my mouth.
“God, Cory!” he screamed. “Stop! I think I’m going to pee in your mouth!” He
grabbed my head and tried to pull me off. I pushed my mouth down deeper.
“Unngggghhh!” he moaned. I could feel him begin to pulse and then I tasted
something bitter. He had just shot his first sperm in my mouth. I couldn’t believe
it. I had made my best friend have his first orgasm!
I was grinning widely when I sat up and looked over at him. He lay back on the bed
with his eyes closed and he was breathing heavily. After a minute he looked over
at me and smiled. I could tell he was really happy. I looked over and returned his
smile. I then grabbed my cock and started swinging it.
“Fair is fair,” I grinned. He shrugged his shoulders and then leaned over and started
sucking me again. After a few minutes, I tensed up and had a dry orgasm. It would
be several more months until he’d taste my sperm.
* * * * * * * *
I lay curled up in bed in a fetal position with the covers pulled over my head. I
didn’t want to ever crawl out from under the comfort of my bed. If I didn’t get up,
then I wouldn’t have to face the cruel reality of the world.
My pillow was wet from the tears I’d been shedding. I looked at the clock. It had
only been two hours since Brett walked out of my life.
“Corey.” My mother knocked softly on my door. “May I come in?”
“No, Mom.” The door opened slowly and she peeked into the room. So much for
privacy. I guess all her lectures on respecting a person’s privacy meant little when
it was my room.
“Are you all right son?” she asked worriedly. “Why are you in bed at 6:00? And it’s
so dark in here.” She walked over to the window and opened the blinds. Then she
turned on my overhead light. I pulled the cover tightly over my head, hoping she’d
go away. No luck. I could feel her sit on the side of my bed. She tried to pull the
cover back, but I fought to keep my face covered.
“Corey. What is wrong with you?” She pulled down the cover and looked at my
tear-stained face. “My God, you’ve been crying.”
“Mom, please leave me alone,” I pleaded. “Please? I don’t want to talk about
anything right now.”
“But you’ve been crying,” she said softly. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I really don’t want to right now.” I pulled the cover back over my head. “Please
“Not until you tell me why you’re crying,” she insisted. She pulled the cover down
and wiped away a falling tear. “What’s wrong?”
I don’t know why I said it. I guess I felt I had nothing else to lose. I’d lost the only
person in the world that meant anything to me. I really didn’t even worry about the
consequences of my next statement.
“I’m in love with Brett,” I said softly.
“Of, course you love Brett,” she replied. “He’s your best friend. You should love
“No, Mom.” Tears were rolling freely down my face. “I’m in love with Brett.” This
time I stressed- in love.
She studied my face for a moment. I couldn’t tell by her expression if she had fully
understood what I had just confessed to her. Suddenly her eyes narrowed and she
stared at me for a moment. She then stood up and looked down at me.
“I see,” she said calmly. She then turned and walked out of the room, closing the
door behind her.
Chapter 2 Return to TMJ