Reggie's Journal
Entry #12
It’s Friday morning, and I’m sitting in Mrs. Reynold’s geometry class. We have a
substitute, and she’ll probably be here for a week or more. She told us that Mrs.
Reynold’s sister died. I guess she lived in California and Mrs. Reynold’s and her
family are flying there for the funeral. We felt really bad when Ms. Cooperfield told
us. Beverly said she was going to Hallmark after school and get a big card for our
class to sign Monday. So right now every one is kind of sitting all sad looking and
doing the assignment.  Ms. Cooperfield seems nice, but she said her degree is in
English, not math, so she warned us that we’d have to be patient while she
attempts to teach us. We all groaned when Elizabeth told her not to worry
because we’d be willing to help her, and then suggested that we could take turns
teaching the class since we know the material anyway.

Ms. Cooperfield thought it was a great idea, so she asked Elizabeth if she would
like to teach the class on Monday. Naturally, Elizabeth said yes. Then Ms.
Cooperfield asked who else would like to be teacher for a day. Elizabeth tried to
get me to volunteer but I’ve already got too much to do.  Besides, why would I
want to volunteer to do a teacher’s job when they get paid for it and not me? But
anyway, enough students volunteered for next week. Now if Mrs. Reynolds is out
the following week, Elizabeth will try to get me to volunteer again. I can’t wait until
Thursday. James is going to be the teacher. That should be fun. He’ll probably
have us doing handstands in the hallway and then have someone determine what
degree we’re leaning.

Since I’ve finished the assignment and I have a few minutes, I’ll write about Perry.
I know I’m becoming obsessed with him, but I can’t help it. I’ve been sitting beside
him all week on the bus. He gets the cutest smile on his face when I get on the
bus. Once I had to look behind me just to make sure he was smiling at me. I
haven’t told him I’m gay yet because I’m afraid he will not be my friend anymore if
I do. I kind of suspect he’s gay, but I don’t want to take a chance just in case he
isn’t. But I think he is. Like yesterday, I got on the bus and was walking toward
him and he looked down at Little Reggie. Fortunately, he was asleep. But I think it
kind of embarrassed Perry because I saw him staring at me. He looked up into my
face and his turned a really bright red. When I sat down beside him I was going to
ask him if he saw anything he liked, but I chickened out. But anyway, we are
starting to walk each other to our classes when we have rooms that are nearby.
He’s been walking me to Mr. Byrd’s 1st period. We don’t see each other 2nd, but
he meets me after my class and I walk him to Mr. Byrd’s 3rd period. I think Mr.
Byrd is starting to think we’re boyfriends. I wish we were, but I’m still not sure   
he’d want me for a boyfriend, even if he is gay. He’s too cute and could have
anyone he wants. I know I’m not all that bad looking, but I’m not like him.
Anyway, we eat lunch together, usually with Beverly, Caryn, Abe, Cory and James.
James has started acting normal, well as normal as James can be, and he doesn’t
make Perry talk just so he can laugh at him. I’m not sure, but I think Cory may
have threatened him if he did it again.

Abe asked me yesterday in 5th period if Perry and I were having sex. He said he
thought we were because Perry was always pressed up against me at lunch. I
must have turned about 50 shades of red, and I told him no. He does not believe
me and he kind of got mad because he reminded me that I promised him I’d tell
him because he told me about him and Sarah. I finally made him believe that Perry
was only a friend, but I’d definitely let him know if I did have sex with him. When I
told Abe that, Little Reggie woke up but I don’t think Abe saw him.

Anyway, after lunch I walk Perry to his 4th period, then he walks me to my 5th.
We don’t see each other again until we ride home on the bus. Yesterday he pulled
out his algebra book and wanted me to help him with a problem. I wanted to invite
him home so we could work on it there, but I chickened out. I’m trying to get up
the courage to ask him tonight if he wants to go to my house to do his
homework, but I probably won’t. It’s one thing to be with him at school when
other people are around. I don’t know how it would be if we were alone together.  
I’d probably be too afraid to talk, and Perry definitely won’t talk if I don’t. We’d
look stupid just sitting together and looking at each other. I wouldn’t mind, but he
might since I’m not all that much to look at. Anyway, the bell is getting ready to
ring and I have to meet Perry to walk him to Mr. Byrd’s class.

It’s Friday night and I’m sitting in my room, but I don’t feel so alone. In fact, I
haven’t gone to the window to watch for deer once this week. I can’t stop thinking
about Perry. I know I’m acting like a little 12 year old girl who has her first crush
on a boy, but in a way, I guess that’s what I’m doing. I’ve never really had a boy
to be interested in before, so this is like a whole new experience for me. I just
hope I don’t ruin it by acting too immature. I know I’m 16 now, so I guess there’s
a certain way I’m supposed to be acting, but when I’m around Perry I do act like a
little 12 year old girl. Like on the bus coming home from school, he grinned when I
sat down beside him, and I started blushing. I don’t know why, but I did. He asked
me if I would help him with a chemistry problem, but I just wanted us to talk. At
first I think I hurt his feelings when I told him I didn’t want to, but then he started
smiling when I told him it was Friday afternoon and we should forget about school
for a while. We sat quietly for a minute. I was hoping  he’d say something, but
Perry never starts a conversation. So I had to think of something. One thing I
know we have in common is Mr. Byrd, so I asked him how he liked him as a
teacher. He started to stutter, but I put my hand on his thigh and gave it a slight
squeeze and told him to take his time. He looked down at my hand, so I quickly
removed it. At first I thought I’d made him feel uncomfortable, but he looked up at
me and kind of smiled. He then told me that Mr. Byrd was his favorite teacher. I
told him I thought he was mine too. Perry then asked me what was my favorite
subject, but he had trouble saying subject, so I put my hand on his thigh and
squeezed it again, only this time I didn’t remove it. He finally asked me, and I told
him I liked literature because I enjoy reading. He said he did too, so we started to
talk about our favorite authors. After several minutes, I was aware that my hand
was still on his thigh and he hadn’t said anything or even looked down at I. When
the bus arrived at my stop, I got up and told Perry I’d see him Monday, but he
told me to wait a second. He then reached into his pocket and took out a small
piece of paper and handed it to me. When I got off the bus, I turned and waved
goodbye to him. He smiled and waved back. As I walked up the driveway to my
house, I opened the paper to see what it said. He had given me his phone
number. He had written his name and put a smiley face beside it. So I guess he
wants me to call him. Now I’m unsure when I should do it. I want to call him
tonight, but it may be too soon. He may think I’m desperate or something. I
guess I am desperate, but I don’t want him to know it. Right now I’m beginning to
think he really likes me, especially since he gave me his phone number without me
even asking for it. I don’t want it to seem like I’m rushing things. But then again,
why would he give me his phone number if he didn’t expect me to call him? Okay,  
I’m beginning to feel uncertain, and that’s something I said I was going to work
on. I don’t like feeling uncertain. So I have to make a decision. Okay. I’m going to
do it. I’ve got Perry’s number in my hand and I’m going to go get my phone and
call him. Wish me luck.

I’m back, and I just spent the best hour of my life! I called Perry and I asked him if
he was busy, and he said he was playing a video game. I thought I had interrupted
him and told him   I’d call him later, but he hollered, “No” so loud into the phone it
almost burst my eardrum. Not really, but it was really cute because I guess he
thought I was going to hang up. So we started talking about video games at first.
I like playing them, but I usually get bored after a while because it’s really not very
much fun to play by yourself. After about 15 minutes something strange hit me-
Perry wasn’t stuttering so much when he talks on the phone as he does when    
we’re actually together. He still had some trouble, but it wasn’t as bad as when he
tries to talk at lunch. So then we started talking about what kind of music we like.
I had to think really hard because I don’t listen to a lot of music. My parents
usually play classical music when we eat dinner, so that is the kind I’m most
familiar with, but it would make me sound like a real nerd if I told him I like Chopin
or Wagner. He likes the kind of music Caryn likes. She let me listen to her Ipod
one day and there was some band playing. I guess it was music, but it sounded
more like a bad car accident and people screaming. I didn’t want to appear too
stupid, so I told him I liked some of the bands he liked. When I get through
writing tonight, I’m going to get on the computer and go to Youtube and see if I
can find some of the bands he named. Maybe the next time I can talk more about
the kind of music he likes. The only trouble is, I know I won’t like it, but I can’t tell
him that. After all, I’m now 16, so I guess I should be listening to the kind of
music that makes Mom yell up the stairs and tell me to turn down. Hehe.

So we talked for a while. He asked me about school and I felt embarrassed when I
told him about the classes I took and the grades I make. He sounds more like an
average student. He said he failed algebra last year and had to take it over in
summer school. He’s really having trouble in Algebra II, so I volunteered to help
him. And I actually kind of suggested that he could come here to study after
school if he wanted. He giggled a little bit and then said, “Okay.” Of course, Little
Reggie had to wake up when Perry sounded like he was excited about coming to
my room to study. I don’t know what I’ll do if he ever does.

And I’m really, really starting to think he’s gay. He didn’t exactly say it, but he kind
of hinted around about it. I was going to tell him I was gay, but I chickened out.
Anyway, we eventually started talking about dating, and I asked him if he had a
girlfriend. It was the first time all night he started to stutter really bad. He laughed
at first and then finally told me he didn’t have one. So naturally, I was becoming
interested to find out if he was gay, so I asked him if he was interested in any girl.
Again, he laughed, and then he stuttered a lot as he asked me why I was getting
so personal. So I had to make up something so he wouldn’t think I was too nosy,
so I told him I just thought that is what guys do- talk about girls. When he
stuttered out that he didn’t like talking about girls, I was going to ask him why,
but I decided I better not. So now I’m wondering if he is gay. I think I’m going to
tell him I am and see how he reacts. Of course, it’s possible that he already knows
because Beverly may have said something to him. If he does know, then I don’t
know why he doesn’t tell me.

So anyway, we talked a little bit more. He has a golden retriever named Sampson,
and a cat named Whiskers. I told him I don’t have any pets so he told me I could
play with Sampson sometime if I wanted.

It took us about 10 minutes to say goodbye. It was like neither of us wanted to
stop talking. When we did finish, I had the biggest smile on my face. It was the
first time I’d actually talked to someone that long on the phone. I’m not sure I’ll be
able to fall asleep tonight because I’m so excited. But I have to because I’ve got to
volunteer tomorrow at the crisis center. Robert said he was going to call and talk
to me. Maybe he’ll finally tell me what’s bothering him. I’ll write more later if he
                                     TO BLOW UP YOUR DATE.

Okay. I’m really laughing now. You should see how red my face is.  I can’t wait
until next Friday to see if Mr. Byrd reads this one.

It’s late Saturday night, and Mom just peeked in my room and told me to go to
bed. It’s after midnight and I can’t sleep because of what happened tonight on the
Talk Line. Okay. Let me explain. I got there at 6 and sat around talking to Mavis,
Elizabeth and Caryn. For a Saturday, it was kind of a slow night. Then around 9
the phones began to ring. I don’t know why, but it seems like everyone waits until
it gets dark outside to call. Maybe they are just too busy to call when it’s daylight.
So anyway, Mavis and Caryn are talking on the phone when mine lights up. I kind
of got nervous because I thought it might be Robert. Mrs. Armstrong pounded on
the window and motioned for me to answer the phone. So I did, and it’s him. Like
he always does, he disguised his voice until he knew it was me. I feel kind of guilty
because he isn’t aware that Mrs. Armstrong is also listening to the call. He thinks  
it’s just us, and it seems like I’m violating his privacy. There should be a warning
when someone calls that their call may be monitored. I guess because we are
teenagers we don’t have the same rights as adults. Anyway, I’m getting off the
subject again.

So Robert and I start talking, or I guess I start talking. He doesn’t say much, so
like I do with Perry, I have to think of things to say. So I ask him things like if he
goes to school or does he like to play sports, things like that. Mrs. Armstrong
keeps motioning for me to keep talking because I think she thinks he’s going to
hang up. So finally, I just ask him why he’s calling the Talk Line if he isn’t going to
talk. Mrs. Armstrong frowned, but it seemed to help. He started saying that he
was unhappy with his life and he had no one to talk to about it. So I told him I’d
try to help if he’d only tell me what is wrong. So he said his life is all (he used the
‘F’ word) up.  So I ask him why, and he just repeats that his life is all (F word) up.
So I ask him again why, and he says it just is. Now I began to feel like I was
playing a little game with him. It was like he wanted to tell me, but he wanted me
to force him to tell me. So I ask him if he was having a problem with his girlfriend
and he kind of laughed and told me no. Then I asked him if he had a problem with
drugs and he told me no again. Okay, so he doesn’t have a problem with a
girlfriend or drugs, so I’m beginning to run out of questions. I asked him if he is
having trouble with his parents and he tells me I would not understand. Now I feel
like I’m getting somewhere. At least he didn’t say no. Mrs. Armstrong starts
tapping on her window and holds up a sign that says ask him if he is being abused
at home. So I ask him and he starts laughing. “Dude,” he says. “If you could see
how built I am, you wouldn’t ask me that.” Okay, now it’s starting to get
interesting. I’m envisioning that Robert is this really hot guy, and Little Reggie is
starting to wake up. I look over at Mrs. Armstrong to see if she has any more
suggestions, but she just shrugs her shoulders. So we sit for a minute in silence,
but it seemed more like an hour. Finally, he asked me if I was still on the phone
and I told him I was. He asked me why I’m not talking, and I told him I don’t know
what to say because he isn’t helping me very much to understand why he called to
talk. So I asked him if he’d like to talk to someone else since I noticed that Mavis
and Caryn weren’t on the phone, but he told me he wanted to talk to me. But I
reminded him that we really weren’t talking since he isn’t saying very much. Then
he asked me what school I go to, so I told him I go to Fairhaven. And he hung up!

Mrs. Armstrong came out of her office and we talked about the call and some of
the things he said. She thought he hung up because he probably goes to my
school and he’s afraid I may know him. So now I’m going over the conversation to
see if he gave me any clues as to who he might be. He said he was built, so he
may be an athlete. Of course, that could be half of the male population at our
school. Okay, I probably shouldn’t say this because it doesn’t seem right, but he
has a really sexy voice. It’s kind of deep, sort of like how Cory talks. If he looks
anything like Cory, I can’t imagine what his problem would be. I thought maybe he
has a girl pregnant, but he said he didn’t have a problem with a girlfriend. In fact,
he kind of laughed when I asked him, so it can’t be that. Anyway, I don’t know
now if he’ll call back to the Teen Line. He may be too scared that I might find out
who he is. But now I’m trying to think why he would be scared and only one thing
keeps coming to my mind. It’s the same thing that bothered me for a couple of
years. Maybe he’s gay. Maybe  that’s what is wrong with him. Maybe that’s why he
says his life is (F word) up and no one understands. I know I felt like that for a
while a couple of years ago. But he seems older. In fact, he kind of sounds like a
man, not a teenager. Okay. I’m going to go to bed and try to get some sleep. I’ll
probably lay awake and think about every athlete in our school and wonder if he is

Okay. I’m so excited I can hardly write this. It’s Wednesday and I’m in Mr. Archer’s
chemistry class. We’re supposed to be working on an experiment, but Abe is
doing it so I’ll just copy his paper when he’s through.  I hope he doesn’t try to
read this. Now why I’m so excited- Perry is gay!!!! Okay, let me explain what
happened last period. We were in Mrs. Reynolds class last period and Julie was the
teacher for the day. Anyway, after we finished the assignment, we still had about
15 minutes left, so she told us to talk quietly. We all looked at Ms. Cooperfield to
see if it was all right if we did, and she nodded her head. So anyway, Beverly
scooted up beside me and started talking to me, real quiet like. So she asks me if I
like Perry, and I told her I did. So then she asks me if I really like him. So I looked
at her and said I did really like him. She kind of giggled, so I asked her why she
was asking me that. And she said because he likes me too! So then she leans in
real close to me and whispers real soft that Perry could never tell me, but he
wanted her to tell me that he’s gay! So I just sit there with my mouth all open and
she goes on to ask me if I remembered the night she called after Abe outed me
and she told me I could talk to her because she knew someone who was gay and
he talked to her about it. So I nodded, and she said that someone was Perry. She
said he told her about two years ago and they talk about it sometimes. So I ask
her if she told him that I was gay, and she kind of smiled and asked if I’d be mad
at her if she had told him. So I let out a sigh of relief and tell her I wouldn’t be
mad, and then she told me she told him last week. So he has known for a week
that I was gay and he wouldn’t tell me he was. I asked Beverly why he wouldn’t   
tell me and she said he just couldn’t. She said he was afraid I wouldn’t like him
because of the way he stutters and he didn’t want to be hurt. So I told her that    
I’m not bothered by the way he talks and she gave me a little kiss on the cheek.
Of course, Cory had to see her do that, so he asked me if I was coming over to
the dark side. I giggled and turned really red.

So Perry is gay and he likes me! Wait a minute. Abe is finished with the experiment
and I have to copy if down before the end of class. I’ll write more later. I’m so

Okay, I’m back. It’s Wednesday night and I am really sleepy. I just got back from
the crisis center. We mainly just sat around tonight. We had only 2 calls all night. I
answered one of them, but it was a girl who wanted to talk to Elizabeth. I kept
waiting for Robert to call but he didn’t. Now I’m worried about him. I knew this
was going to happen when I volunteered. I’d become too emotionally involved.
Even though I don’t know anything about him, I still care and I hope he’s all right.
At least he didn’t mention hurting himself or I’d be reading the morning obituaries
to see if a guy about my age named Robert died.

This is a better news. I sat with Perry on the bus after school and I think Beverly
told him she told me that he was gay. When I walked back to the seat, he looked
up and his face turned a little red when he saw me. He looked down and then
looked back up at me and kind of made a little smile. It was so cute. Neither of us
said anything, though. I helped him a little with an algebra problem. Before I
arrived home, I got up the nerve to finally ask him if he’d like to come to my house
Saturday morning so I can help him with his homework. He said he couldn’t
Saturday because he had to go with his mother to visit a sick aunt, but he would
have her drop him off Sunday after he went to church. We came to my stop
before we had a chance to discuss it, so I’ll talk to him more about it tonight. I’m
kind of nervous, but excited. Now that I know he’s gay, I’ll feel a little more
comfortable around him without having to worry if he’ll get upset if he finds out I
am. I’m still confused why he’s known I was for a week and didn’t say anything.

I’m going downstairs to get something to drink and I’ll be right back. I only need
about 500 more words and I’ll be done with this week’s entry. I might as well finish
it tonight because I have to work on a research paper for history tomorrow. I’ve
been putting it off and it’s due Friday. It’s something stupid about the Industrial
Revolution. I hope I can stay awake long enough to write it.
                      WHEN IT RAINS, WHY DON’T SHEEP SHRINK?

Okay, I’m back, and I made a BIG mistake when I went downstairs. I went into the
family room where Mom was watching television and grading some papers. I sat
down and watched it with her until a commercial came on, and then I happened to
mention to her that Perry was coming over Sunday morning so I could help him
with his homework. So she gets excited and turns off the television, and then she
goes into Mom Mode and begins asking me all kinds of questions about Perry. I
tried to tell her he was just a friend, but she could tell by the way I was blushing
that he was more than that. It sounded kind of weird when she asked me if he
was my boyfriend. I mean she was so casual about it. I always thought there
would be some kind of uneasy tension when I mentioned bringing a boyfriend
home. Of course,  I’m assuming way too much to even consider Perry a boyfriend.
But Mom didn’t seem bothered by it at all. In fact, she got all excited and asked
me what time he got out of church so she could have a nice lunch prepared. I tried
to talk her out of it, but she insisted. So she asked me for Perry’s home phone
number so she can call his mother. When I told her I don’t have it, only Perry’s cell
phone number, she told me to call Perry and get his home phone. So I did, and
now I’m in my room while she calls his house. Hold on. Mom just hollered up the
stairs and wants to see me.

I'm in big doo doo. This couldn’t get any worse. Mom knows Perry’s mom! She’s a
2nd grade teacher at the school my mom teachers at! They are best friends at
school! I’ve heard my mother mention Mrs. Morgan a hundred times, but it never
occurred to me that she could be Perry’s mother. Mom says Mrs. Morgan talks
about Perry all the time. She even knows he stutters, and he’s had trouble making
friends because of it. So now Mom is all excited because she thinks that Perry is
my boyfriend. She even said that Mrs. Morgan is as thrilled as she is. I guess by
the way she talked, Perry’s parents know he’s gay too. So instead of Perry coming
over for me to help him with his homework on Sunday, Mom has invited his
parents and little brother for Sunday lunch. I tried to talk her out of it and told her
she was making too big a deal of all this, but she sounded really excited to have
Perry and his family come to our house Sunday. When I left, she was in the
kitchen making a list of things she’d have to buy. She’s going to make lasagna.
Mom makes the best lasagna I’ve ever eaten. Now I’m afraid that what turned out
to be just me and Perry being alone to work on his homework is going to turn into
something bigger. I think Mom and Mrs. Morgan will try to become matchmakers,
which is really, really weird. In fact, it seems kind of absurd that Perry and I just
became friends and our own mothers are going to try to make it even more than
that. I wonder if our state allows gay marriage because probably by the end of
lunch, they’ll be suggesting it. I guess I’ll call Perry back and see if his mother
talked to him yet about Sunday. I hope they don’t ruin our friendship by trying to
push us too hard.
                               HE START WIPING HIS BUTT?

I’m going to see if Mr. Byrd laughs when he reads this one. I wonder if I can find
the answer if I google it? Hehe.


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