Taking Off the Mask
Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without
and know we cannot live within.  -James Baldwin
Chapter 8
I tried to resist, but Donovan was persistent. “Come on, James,” he pleaded. “I’m not
going to hurt you.”

Reluctantly, I followed him upstairs and into a large bedroom. There was a king-sized
bed in the middle of the room. In the dim light, it was apparent it was a girl’s room.
There were stuffed animals lying all around the room. Donovan closed the door, and
then picked me up and tossed me onto the bed. He threw himself across me, as he
began to grind his body into mine.

“You smell good,” he murmured as he lifted my shirt and started to lick on my nipples.
I tossed my head back and squirmed under him. Waves of pleasure washed over my
body. He continued to nibble gently on my chest, working his way downward.

He reached my shorts and began to unbutton them. I grabbed his hand. “Stop.
Please, Donovan. You’re going too fast.”

He pushed my hand away and unbuttoned my shorts. He quickly unzipped them. My
hard cock pressed against the red bikinis.

“Relax,” he said as he leaned in and sucked my cock threw the material. “You’ll like
this.” He pulled my bikini underwear down, exposing the top of my cock. It was wet
with precum.  When Donovan leaned in and licked it off, I tossed my head back and
moaned loudly. I had never felt anything so wonderful.

He then pulled my shorts and underwear down and engulfed my entire cock in his
mouth. I reared up and rammed it into his mouth. He gagged slightly, before he
continued to suck me. My body was trembling from the pleasure he was giving me.  
I knew I couldn’t hold out much longer.

With one final thrust, I shouted out, “I’m cumming!” I reached down and tried to pull
his head off, but he swallowed me deeper as I shot my first volume of cum down his
throat. He continued to suck me until I collapsed exhaustedly on the bed.

He lifted his head and our lips met. When he ground his body into mine, I could taste
the remnants of my cum in his mouth. I started to roll him over so that I could do to
him what he had just done to me. I was apprehensive because I had never sucked a
dick before. I knew I could never please him as much as he had me.

Donovan got off the bed and stood beside it, stripping off his clothes. I watched as he
revealed his finely sculpted body. In the darkened room, it looked as nice as it had
when I saw him in the locker room. When he pulled off his boxers, his erect cock
jutted out to about nine inches. My eyes widened when I saw it. There was absolutely
no way I was going to be able to take him into my mouth.

As he stood naked, stroking his massive cock, he told me to take off my clothes too.
When I was undressed, he returned to the bed and started licking my body once
again. He took my legs and pulled them back to my shoulders. He then started licking
around my asshole. I squirmed around as he began to penetrate my ass with his
tongue. My cock hardened, and I thought I was going to cum again.

“Wait here,” he whispered as he climbed out of bed and walked over to Sylvia’s
dresser. He took out a condom, tore it open and then rolled it over his huge cock.  
He walked back to the bed with what appeared to be tube of lubricant.

Panic seized me. I had intended to try to suck him, but it seemed he had other plans.
I looked at his huge cock and was filled with fear.

“Donovan,” I said nervously. “I can’t do this. I’ve never had sex before.”

He looked down and grinned evilly. “A virgin. It’s been years since I’ve busted
someone’s cherry.” He applied some lube to his finger, pushed my legs back and
rammed his index finger roughly into my ass. I screamed out in pain.

“Stop it, Donovan,” I shouted fearfully. “I can’t do this.”

He looked down angrily and pulled me up until I was staring into his fiery eyes. “Look,
Bitch.” He tightened his grip on my shoulder. “I just got you off. Now you’re going to
get me off.”

“Can’t I suck you like you did me?” I pleaded. Tears began to fall down my cheeks. I
was trying to get up, but he kept pushing me back down.

“I like fucking ass,” he replied angrily. He took his finger and shoved it harshly back
into me. I wailed out in pain.

“Please don’t do this, Donovan!” I begged. “You’re too big.”

“You’ll get used to it.” He pulled my legs back, pressed his cock against my ass and
pushed forward. I felt a searing pain as an inch of his massive cock entered my virgin
ass.

“Oh, God!” I cried out. “Please don’t do this! You’re hurting me!” Through tearful
eyes, I saw a determined look on his face. He was completely devoid of any emotion.
He was going to fuck me, and there was little I could do about it.

I continued to try and push him off, but he lifted his hand and struck me across the
side of my face. I saw stars from the harsh blow. He pushed another inch into me as I
continued to cry out in pain.

“Damn, you’re so fucking tight,” he complained. He pulled out and then rammed his
cock back into my swollen ass. I again screamed out, and I felt I was going to pass
out from the intense pain.

Suddenly, the bedroom door opened. I was aware of someone rushing in. He pulled
Donovan off me and threw him to the floor.

“God damn it, Donovan!” the voice shouted. “What the fuck are you doing? You’re
hurting him!”

Through my tears, I saw Donovan rise to his feet and confront the other person. As
my vision began to focus, I realized it was Roy.

“That boy owes me some ass, and I’m going to get it.” He tried to push Roy aside and
get back on top of me. Roy swung at Donovan, hitting him squaring in the temple.
Donovan reeled back and fell onto the floor.

“Get dressed!” Roy shouted at me. I quickly started putting on my clothes. Donovan
rose off the floor and confronted Roy once again.

“You Mother Fucker!” he shouted. He lunged at Roy, but Roy stepped aside and hit
Donovan in the stomach. Donovan groaned as he fell onto the bed. I jumped off,
grabbed my sandals and ran from the room.

Everyone stared when I came running downstairs with tears flowing down my face.  
I didn’t stop as I ran to the door, flung it open and raced down the long drive. When I
reached the bottom, I fell to the ground and started crying.

After sobbing for several minutes, I stood and wiped the tears from my eyes. I
needed to get home. I looked at the time on my cell phone and it was 1:12. It was at
least an hour’s walk home, and there was no way I could go back inside and ask
Donovan to take me. I thought of calling my mother, but then I would have to explain
why I needed a ride. So I slowly started walking towards home, knowing that I would
miss my curfew.

I had walked for about ten minutes when a car slowly approached. I hurried into
someone’s yard, just in case it was Donovan. I quickly looked around me to see which
would be the best direction to run.

A black Honda stopped, and Roy stuck his head out the window. “James, are you all
right?” I slowly approached the car. I was pretty sure I could trust him since he had
been the person who had stopped Donovan from raping me.

I nodded my head and then started trembling. I fell to the ground and wrapped my
arms around my legs. Roy exited the car, and knelt down beside me and placed a
comforting arm around me.

“It’s all right, James,” he assured me. “Donovan’s back at the house, passed out on
the bed.  He’s not going to hurt you.”

“Why?” I cried. “Why did he try to rape me?”

“He gets drunk sometimes,” he explained, “and does things. I’m sure he didn’t mean
to hurt you.”

“I thought he was so cool.” I looked into the concerned eyes of Roy.

“He really is a nice guy,” he replied. He pulled me into him, trying to stop me from
trembling. “You just saw the bad side of him.”

“I don’t ever want to see any side of him again,” I replied angrily. He grabbed my hand
and pulled me to my feet.

“We’d better get you home,” he said. “Tell me where you live.”

Before reaching the car, I turned and extended my hand. “Thanks,” I said
appreciatively. “I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t shown up.”

“It’s okay.” He reached out and touched the side of my face. “I didn’t know he hit you.”

“Is it bad?” I touched the side of my face. It felt extremely tender.

“There’s a nice bruise,” he said as he carefully touched it again. “I don’t think it’s too
bad.”

“He’s not going to be mad at you, is he?” I asked. Roy seemed like a really nice guy,
and I  didn’t want to come between him and Donovan.

“He’ll get over it,” he replied. “Although, he’s going to be mad as hell when he sees
the shiner I gave him.”

“Thanks, again.” I leaned in and gave him a quick hug. I really felt that I owed him for
saving my life. I shuddered to think what might have happened had he not stopped
Donovan.

“Let’s get you home,” he said. When we got in his car, I told him how to get to my
house. It was almost 1:30. At least I wasn’t going to be late. I knew that my mother
would probably be in her room waiting for me to come home.

The light was still on in the living room when we pulled up. Roy looked over and asked,
“Will you be alright?” I nodded and got out. I thanked him again, before he drove off.

When I entered, I looked to see if my mother was still in her office. The lights were
out, so I knew she was in her room. I turned out the living room lights and headed
upstairs to my room. She peeked her head out her bedroom door when she heard me.

“How was the party?” she whispered, so that she wouldn’t awaken my sister.

“Alright,” I whispered back. I entered my room and closed the door behind me. I knew
she would have a lot of questions in the morning, but right now I wanted to be left
alone. I undressed, tiptoed over to the bathroom and jumped into the shower. I
wanted to wash off the scent of Donovan that I could still smell on my body. I gingerly
cleaned my ass. It was still sore and swollen. I stuck my finger carefully inside to make
sure that there was no blood. Before leaving, I applied some ointment I found in the
medicine cabinet that my mother used for wounds.

I returned to my room and crawled into bed. I pulled the covers over my head and
rolled into a fetal position. I tried to block out what had happened, but every time I
closed my eyes all I could see was the evil look on Donovan’s face. I remembered
what Mr. Wilbur had said about masks. Donovan had taken his off tonight, and the
image beneath it was shear terror.

On the outside, Donovan appeared to be Mr. Wonderful. He was tall, athletic and
attractive. He was also someone who was used to getting anything he wanted.
Tonight, he wanted me. When he couldn’t have it, then he took it. When I left the
house earlier this evening, I had no intention of having sex with him. The most I
hoped for was a good night kiss in his car when he dropped me off. But obviously, he
had other intentions.

I started crying again when I remembered Donovan holding me down and trying to
rape me. That is what he had done- raped me. I told him to stop, but he continued to
push his huge cock into my ass. I was so ashamed and embarrassed. I hated myself
because I had carelessly put myself in that situation. I was so enamored by his good
looks, that I didn’t realize that I had put myself in danger. I knew I should have been
more careful.

I don’t know how, but I managed to fall asleep sometime later. I awoke shortly before
six from a terrible nightmare. I was handcuffed to a bed, and Donovan was thrusting
his huge cock in my ass. Feeling sick, I rushed to the bathroom and vomited violently.
When I was done, I looked in the mirror at the bruise on the side of my face. It wasn’t
dark, but it was obvious that I had been hit on the side of my face.

“Are you alright, James?” My mother was pounding on the door, calling out my name.

“Yeah, Mom,” I responded. “I’m just not feeling too well.” I could hear her trying to
open the locked door.

“Let me in, James,” she insisted.

“I’m all right, Mom.” I tried to sound convincing, but I was starting to tremble again.

“James Michael Hoskins!” she shouted. “Open this door right now!”

I walked over and slowly turned the lock. When she saw my face, she gasped when
she saw my face.

“What happened to you?” She walked over and touched the bruise. I winced and
stepped back.

“Nothing,” I said, as I walked past her and returned to my room. She followed me in.

“I want to know what happened,” she said adamantly. “You’ve been in a fight.”

“I wasn’t in a fight,” I insisted. I was trying to stay strong; but suddenly the tears
appeared and started running down my face. The last thing I wanted was my mother
to see me crying. I jumped back into bed and covered my face. She sat down on the
side of the bed.

“What happened, James?” Her voice was soothing and filled with concern. “Are you
hurt?”

“No, Mom,” I mumbled. “I’m all right. Please just leave me alone. I really don’t want to
talk right now.”

“Look at me.” She grabbed my shoulders and raised me up. She looked into my face
and studied me for a minute before releasing me. She then pulled the covers back
over me.

“We’ll talk about this later. I can see you aren‘t hurt, but there’s something you’re not
telling me.” She rubbed me gently on my back and then rose from the bed. She stood
over me for about a minute before finally leaving the room. I closed my eyes and cried
myself back to sleep.

I was awakened later by a knocking on my door. I gazed over at my alarm clock. It
was 1:19 in the afternoon. I had slept all morning. Slowly, the door opened and Jackie
tiptoed in and sat down on the side of my bed. She leaned in to see if I was awake.

When she saw my eyes opened, she smiled. “Wow!” she said excitedly. “You must
have had a good time. It’s after one and you’re still in bed.” She got off the bed,
walked over and drew back the drapes. I squinted when the sun hit my face. She
returned and sat back down.

“What the hell happened to you?” She reached out and touched the side of my face.
“What does the other guy look like?”

“Just shut up, Jackie.” I lay back down and curled into a ball, throwing the covers over
my face.

“What’s wrong?” she asked worriedly. She pulled the covers back, leaned over and
looked into my face. I closed my eyes tightly to keep the tears from appearing.

“James, tell me! What happened last night?”

“Nothing, Jackie,” I replied. “Just go and leave me alone.”

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what happened.” Jackie was my best friend,
and she knew everything about me. I needed to talk to someone about what
happened, and I trusted her. I sat up in bed and pulled the covers tightly around me.

“He tried to rape me!” I cried. I wiped the tears from my eyes with the end of the
sheet.

“What?  Who?” she asked confusedly.

“Donovan tried to rape me last night.” She leaned in, put her arms around me and
rubbed my back. “I was so scared. I didn’t know what to do.”

“Shhh,” she whispered in my ear. “It’s all right.” She rocked me and asked, “Do you
want to talk about it?”

I nodded my head, and then I told her about what had happened at the party. I
related how nice he had been all evening, treating me like his boyfriend. I told her
about kissing him while we danced, and how he rubbed himself against me. I started
trembling when I told her what had happened in Sylvia’s bedroom.

“That son of a bitch!” she spat. “You should call the police.”

“No!” I insisted. “I can’t do that. I wanted sex as much as he did. I just didn’t think it
would go so far.”

“Did he put the bruise on the side of your face?” I nodded and lay my head back down
on the bed.

“When I wouldn’t do what he wanted, he hit me.”

“Someone should kick his ass,” she responded angrily.

“Someone did,” I said. She gave me a puzzled look. I explained how Roy Reed had
saved me from Donovan’s savage attack.

“You’re lucky he was there,” she replied. “It’s hard to imagine what might have
happened.”

“I know,” I said. “He’s a really great guy. I don’t know why he has a best friend like
Donovan.”

“Are you going to be all right?” she asked worriedly.

“I guess. Everyone at the party saw me kiss Donovan. Now they know I’m gay, too.
I guess I outed myself last night. Plus, I have to deal with Donovan at school.”

“He didn’t hurt you, though?”  Her face turned red. “You know, back there.”

“I don’t think so.” I replied. “He didn’t put it all the way in. I checked last night, and I
didn’t see any blood.”

“Wow!” She let out a breath of air. “I can’t believe this. I still think you should call the
police, James. He did try to rape you.”

“It won’t do any good. I told you, the sex was consensual.”

“But the rape wasn’t,” she spat.

“Forget it, Jackie. Telling the police will just make matters worse. The newspaper will
pick it up, and then everyone in town will know what happened. Do you really want
that?”

She sat for a minute looking at me. “I guess you’re right. That’s what’s wrong with
rape. People are afraid to report them because of the publicity. That bastard will still
be walking around school like nothing ever happened.”

“So promise me you won’t say anything?” I pleaded.

She looked at me and hesitated. “All right, I promise. But if he so much as looks at
you cross-eyed, I’m going to kick his balls up into his throat.”

“Thanks, Jackie.” I reached for her and drew her into a hug. “You’re a good friend.
I love you so much.”

We sat and talked for about another half hour. She refused to leave until she was
assured that I was mentally and physically all right. I finally told her to go home
because I had to get up and finish a math assignment.

I was lying on my bed and doing the assignment, when my mother knocked on my
door.

“May I come in?” I looked over as she walked in and sat at my computer chair. I could
tell that she had been crying.

“What’s the matter, Mom?” I asked worriedly.

“I was going to ask you that,” she responded softly. She brought a tissue to her eyes
and wiped away more tears.

“What are you talking about?” I assumed she wanted to find out why I had a bruise
on my face. She said we’d talk later; I guess now was that later.

I almost fell out of the bed with her next question. “Are you gay?”

I sat on the edge of the bed and stared at her. I didn’t know how to respond to her
question. My mother had just asked me if I was gay. It was something I was hoping
to avoid until I at least went off to college. I had no plans to bring up the issue with
her until then.

“I take your silence as a yes.” She dabbed the tissue to her eyes. She then rose and
looked silently out the window for a minute. My heart was pounding out of my chest.
I had absolutely no idea what to say to her.

“I was going to my bedroom and I overheard Jackie talking to you,” she explained.
“I’m sorry, but I didn’t mean to pry.” I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. She
paced around the room, stopping occasionally to look down at me.

I couldn’t think of anything to say. If I said anything, I knew I would become
emotional. I didn’t want her to see me break down, so I sat silently.

“You didn’t answer my question,” she said as she stood over me. I looked up at her.

“Do you hate me?” My voice was filled with emotion, and I was quickly trying to blink
the tears from my eyes.

“Hate you?” She gently patted my face. “No, Baby. I don’t hate you. I just wasn’t
prepared for this,” she said tearfully. “I guess no mother ever is. This is so sudden,
and I need some time to think.” She walked slowly to the door, turned and gave me a
sad look before walking out.

I crept under the covers and curled into a ball. I couldn’t believe how much my life had
changed in just twenty four hours. Yesterday morning, I was a normal, happy teenage
boy. In just one day, I was raped by a guy I really liked, and I was outed to students
at my school. And worst of all, my mother now knew my secret. I couldn’t erase from
my mind the sad look she had given me when she left my room.

I closed my eyes and wished that the world would just go away.


Chapter 9                                       Return to TMJ