No one was in the locker room when we entered. Andrew and Chuck had already
showered and left. I felt awkward as I went to my locker and started to undress.
Adrian sat down about three feet away and pretended not to watch me, but I
noticed that he kept sneaking glances occasionally.
When I had removed my clothing except for my runner‘s briefs, I turned my back
and dropped them to the floor. I didn’t want to look, but I knew Adrian was
probably staring at my ass like I had him when he was naked in front of me.
I reached down and grabbed my towel. I took a deep breath and turned. Adrian’s
gaze immediately dropped to my cock. I watched as he stared at it and then let his
eyes roam upward until he was looking into my face.
“I...I got to go take a shower,” I managed to stammer as I wrapped the towel
around my waist and headed for the shower. I felt like stopping by a stall and
heaving into it. My stomach was doing cartwheels from standing naked before
Adrian. I’d taken hundreds of showers over the years with guys, but none had
gazed upon my body like he had. If they did, I never noticed.
As I showered I tried to figure out what I should do when I returned to the locker
room. Should I walk in naked like I always did, or should I cover myself? For one
thing, I was skinny. I didn’t know if Adrian would find that unattractive. Perhaps
he liked guys who were more muscular like him. What if after seeing me naked, he
didn’t like what he saw? Since he had gazed at me almost expressionless, I didn’t
know what he thought. If he had smiled or nodded his approval, I wouldn’t have
been so worried.
I decided I’d go back into the locker room with the towel wrapped around my
waist. I had become semi-erect thinking about him while I showered. When I
entered, his eyes fell to the protrusion under the towel. I felt a sense of relief
when he looked up and smiled. I also felt a renewed confidence when he reached
down and rearranged his cock. It appeared erect inside his athletic shorts.
I turned my back and removed the towel from around me. I reached for my
underwear and started to put them on when Adrian whispered softly, “Wait,
please.” I covered myself with my boxers and faced him.
He glanced down where I was hiding my cock. “Let me see you.” His voice
trembled nervously. “I’ve never been free to just look at a guy before.”
I knew what he meant. It was taboo to look at a guy’s body in the locker room or
shower. It was an unspoken rule that you kept your eyes about the waist. To look
down was dangerous and you could be branded gay. Most guys didn’t appear to
even care, but there would be the occasional guy who would let his eyes dart
covertly around the room. If he was caught, the ridicule would be relentless.
I dropped the towel and stood naked before him. He looked at my smooth,
hairless legs, and then moved his eyes to my cock which was quickly filling with
blood. Within seconds it stood at its six and a half inch length. His eyes widened
as he watched it grow. I watched as his eyes traveled unashamedly up my chest.
He then looked into my eyes and smiled.
“You’re beautiful,” he said hoarsely. His eyes quickly scanned my body one last
time. “God, are you beautiful!”
I turned my back and put on my underwear. I made sure that I stayed bent over
long enough so that he could see my ass as I had his seen when he dressed for
me. After putting on my shorts and tee shirt, I sat down opposite him to put on
He just kept looking at me and smiling. There was a really weird expression on his
face. Then I realized what it was. He was…no, I couldn’t say it. It would be too
presumptuous. He liked me, that I knew. After seeing me naked, he liked my
body. But there couldn’t be anything more. Hope still lay in the bottom of the jar,
After tying my shoes, I stood up and faced him. “Ready?” He stood and moved
nearer to me until we were just inches apart. I stared into his eyes, his brown
twinkling eyes. They were no longer something I hated or feared. We both knew
how we felt. I closed my eyes and leaned toward him.
When my lips touched his, he put his hands on my chest and stopped me. I
opened my eyes, fearful I had misread his feelings. “Wait,” he whispered softly.
He looked around the locker room, heavy with the smell of other boys. “This isn’t
the place.” I nodded and followed him out of the room.
When we got in my truck I asked him if he’d like to go home with me and join us
“Isn’t it too short a notice?” he asked worriedly. “Your mother won’t be expecting
“Wait,” I said as I held up a finger, pulled out my cell phone and called home. After
talking to her for a minute, I hung up and looked over at him.
“Do you like fried chicken?”
He started laughing. “Of course I like fried chicken.”
“Then you’re joining us for dinner,” I replied. “Mom said there’s plenty. Besides,
my little sister is eating dinner at her friend’s house.”
“Okay,” he responded as he reached in this pocket and pulled out his phone.
“Let me call my dad.”
When he asked his father if he could eat dinner with us, I listened as he tried to
explain who I was and why he was going home with me. His father seemed to
have had a thousands questions. “Yes, Dad,” he looked over at me briefly, “he’s
I began to feel sorry for him because his father seemed to be very controlling. My
father would have joked about not having to feed another hungry mouth if I had
Adrian frowned and handed me the phone. “He wants to speak to you.” I spent
the next few minutes trying to assure him that Adrian was invited to dinner.
Finally, I had to give him my home phone number so he could talk to my mother.
Adrian’s face was filled with anger when I handed him back his phone.
“He’s always doing this,” he said angrily. “I’m nineteen and he treats me like a
“At least he cares about you,” I said trying to make him more cheerful.
“No he doesn’t,” Adrian looked at me sadly. “You don’t know what I have to go
through.” After talking to his father, I now had some idea what Valerie was talking
about when she said that things were bad for Adrian at home.
A minute later his phone rang. He answered it and then handed the phone to me.
I listened as a gruff voice said, “I want him home by nine.” He then hung up.
I looked at Adrian and attempted a smile. “I guess you’re eating dinner with us.”
He smiled and then stared out the window as we drove to my house.
Billy and Lonnie was playing basketball in the driveway when we pulled up.
I parked in the street so my car wouldn’t block them. “Hey,” Billy grinned when he
looked at me and then Adrian. He then tossed me the ball. I dribbled past him and
laid the ball into the basket.
“Okay, Wise Ass!” he shouted as he grabbed the ball and threw it to Adrian. “You
and Lonnie, me and Adrian.”
“Hey!” shouted Lonnie. “No fair. You took the good player.” I walked over and
popped him upside his head.
“I’m not that bad,” I laughed.
He turned and grinned, “You’re not that good.” When I reached out to hit him
again, he ducked.
As he did when we played before, Lonnie loved to get physical; not in a pushing
and shoving kind of way. I had to smack his hand several times when he tried to
grope me when I had the ball. He knew I didn’t like it, but he also knew I wasn’t
going to say anything to him. After about the fourth time he got a handful of my
crotch, I ‘accidentally’ lost control of the ball and threw it directly at his cock. He
moaned and bent over holding himself.
“Geez, Lonnie,” I said as I ran to him and tried to help him stand straight. “I’m
really sorry.” When he looked up at me, I had a shitty grin plastered to my face.
He didn’t try it again. However, after that I noticed that he began to become more
physical with Adrian. In fact, once he made it quite obvious when Adrian dribbled
around him and he grabbed at his cock, holding it in his hands.
After Adrian made the basket, he tossed it back to me. I dribbled slowly over to
Lonnie. As I passed him, I slowed down and whispered in his ear, “If you grab
Adrian’s dick one more time, I’m going into the kitchen, get a butcher knife and
cut your balls off.” His eyes widened as he placed his hands in front of him in a
protective manner. He never did it again.
After playing for about thirty minutes, we sat down on the lawn to rest. I noticed
that Lonnie moved behind Billy, so that he became a barrier between us. After my
threat, I guess he was a little afraid of me. I was going to have to talk to Billy
about his behavior. As far as I knew, Billy hadn’t told him that I was gay, and he
surely had no reason to believe Adrian was. If he tried to grope straight boys at
school like he did us, then someday someone was going to object and make more
than an idle threat like I had. I realized that he was young and inquisitive;
however, his actions could get him seriously hurt someday.
As we sat talking, a car pulled up across the street into Kenny’s driveway. In the
car were a couple of baseball players I knew. They looked out the window and
waved at me and Adrian. Lloyd Thompson, one of Adrian’s football teammates,
started to walk across the street to talk to us, but Kenny came out his front door
and stopped him.
“Better be careful!” he hollered out angrily to Lloyd. “That fag might try to fuck
with you.” Lloyd stopped and looked back at Kenny before turning back to us with
a puzzled look. It was obvious he didn’t understand what Kenny was saying. He
knew we’d been the best of friends since we were little, and he didn’t know why
Kenny was acting hostile towards me. He shrugged his shoulders and got back
into the car. When they pulled out of the driveway, Kenny looked out the window
and flipped us off.
“What’s his problem?” Lonnie asked. He was also puzzled by Kenny’s actions. The
four of us had spent a lot of time together. Kenny was always wrestling around
with them in the bedroom or yard. We’d spent hours shooting basketball in the
driveway like we had today. They considered Kenny a brother. Even though Billy
knew what had happened between us, Lonnie didn’t. When I looked over at
Adrian, he seemed just as puzzled.
I was also pissed at Kenny. He didn’t know if anyone knew I was gay. If Billy and
I hadn’t come out to each other I would have gotten up and confronted him. As
far as he was concerned, Adrian was just a friend. We had, after all, been
introduced to each other before the incident with Rachel occurred. One thing was
obvious from his actions- he was going to make my life hell until school was over.
My worries about what he would do were now confirmed. Before, I thought that
perhaps our friendship meant something to him. Maybe, just maybe, he could
accept me as a gay friend, even if I wasn’t his best friend anymore. But somehow
I knew that wasn’t possible. Kenny was, and had always been, homophobic. He
had always made enough crude jokes about queers and faggots over the years.
He was also somewhat of a racist. He was friendly with black teammates on the
field, but he hardly ever associated with them off the field. A few times in middle
school I had even suggested inviting a black student to come home with us to
play a video game or shoot baskets. His response was, “Why would we want to do
Now Adrian could become Kenny’s biggest nightmare. He was black, gay and a
talented athlete. In Kenny’s world, these were opposing forces. He could accept a
black athlete, but he would never accept a gay, black athlete. As I looked over at
Adrian, I began to worry that Kenny, if he found out Adrian was gay, could make
his life worse than he could mine.
Added to the fact that Adrian’s father seemed to share some of the same hatreds
that Kenny did, I could envision a bigger Pandora’s box being opened, unleashing
a torrent of evil down upon his world. Under such pressure, was Adrian strong
enough to withstand it?
As I looked at him again, his body was extremely muscular and strong. But was
his mind? He already seemed to fear his father. He had built a persona at school
that everyone loved and respected. He was admired on the field and off by
I was almost destroyed by the evils that had been opened. I still was unsure if I
could cope if Kenny outed me to my friends and teammates. Could Adrian handle
the stress better than I could, or would his life come shattering down? Would his
fall be harder and more dangerous than mine?
I looked into his eyes and it appeared he was thinking the same as me. He looked
worried. His bright, brown eyes showed fear. His face was taut as he looked
nervously at me. As I stared at him, a new fear emerged. Could our friendship
survive? Was it over before it even began? I had opened Door Number 3 and
found hope behind it. Was it about to be slammed in my face?
“Hello?” I blinked my eyes when Billy started waving his hand in front of my face.
“Are you in there?” I could hear Lonnie giggling as I was awakened from my
thoughts. Adrian’s face still continued to remain worried.
“What?” I asked as I looked over at my brother.
“Mom just called us in for dinner,” he stated. “Didn’t you hear her?”
“Yeah, sure,” I lied. I stood and extended my hand to Adrian’s. After helping him
up, we trailed behind Billy and Lonnie as they ran hurriedly into the house.
As soon as we entered the kitchen, my mother approached Adrian with her hand
outstretched. “And you must be Adrian,” she said cheerfully as she shook his
hand. “I’m glad you’re joining us for dinner.”
“Thank you, Ma’am,” he replied politely.
“I’m not a Ma’am,” my mother smiled, “just call me Mrs. Barnes.”
“Yes, Ma’am,” Adrian responded before catching himself. “I mean, Mrs. Barnes.”
“You are as polite as your father,” she said. “He’s a customer at my store. I’ve
known him for years. He’s talked about his son before, but I had no idea our Zac
knew you.” She looked over at me.
“You don’t know all my friends at school,” I replied sarcastically. “Some I have to
protect from the Spanish Inquisition.” She laughed and threw the dish towel at me.
“Go clean up,” she said. “Dinner will be ready in five minutes.” I turned and
headed upstairs with Adrian following closely behind me. I opened the bathroom
door but Billy and Lonnie were already in there. They were standing at the sink
washing their hands. We waited outside until they were done before we went in
and closed the door behind us.
“I’ve got to take a leak,” Adrian announced as he began to pull his shorts down.
“I can leave,” I said as I started to open the door.
“Why,” he replied as he snaked his cock from his shorts and began pissing into
the toilet. “You’ve already seen me naked.” I looked down at his cock before
looking upward into his smiling face.
“You’re enjoying this,” I asked smilingly, “Aren’t you?”
“What?” he answered innocently as he shook his cock dry. I looked down and
“Playing this game we’re playing.” I replied after he finished and turned to me.
“Is that what you think it is?” He appeared hurt by my words. “We’re playing a
“I don’t know,” I sighed as I stared into his eyes. “I don’t know what we’re doing.
Nothing makes sense any more. I don’t make sense. You don’t make…”
He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. “Sense,” I muttered into his mouth. He
grabbed my waist and pulled me closer to him as he forced my mouth open and
gently shoved his tongue inside. I could feel our cocks hardening as we ground
our bodies into each other.
After what seemed like years, but was probably no more than thirty seconds, he
pulled away and smiled gently at me. “That was nice,” he said softly. “Actually,
much better than I dreamed it would be.”
“You’ve dreamed about kissing me?”
“Ever since I first saw you sitting on the bleachers last week,” he said as he leaned
in and kissed me once again. It was quick and gentle, not as passionate as the
first. I started to kiss him again, but he pulled away.
“We’d better get downstairs before people start to wonder what we’re doing,” he
said worriedly. We quickly washed our hands and headed downstairs.
“There you are,” my mother said. “What took you so long?” I looked quickly at
Adrian as we took our seats at the table.
“Yeah,” giggled Billy as he raised an eyebrow. “What took you so long?” He looked
away when I shot him a deadly look.
My father introduced himself to Adrian and then began with a torrent of questions
about his athletic skills. My father followed sports avidly and he knew more about
Adrian than I did.
“So you’ll be going to State next year?” he asked Adrian.
“Yes, Sir,” he replied in this usual polite manner. I could tell by the look on my
mother’s face that she admired Adrian’s gentle disposition. He was a stark
contrast to Kenny’s loud and crude behavior.
My father looked proudly at me. “Did Zac tell you he’ll be attending State on an
athletic scholarship in track?”
Adrian looked at me and smiled. “Yes, Sir, he did.”
“Zac’s going to run in the Olympics!” My little brother, Josh, shouted excitedly.
“Ain’t he Dad?”
“I think we’re putting the cart before the horse,” my father responded. Josh gave
him a puzzled look.
“We aint’ got no horses,” he giggled. “We don’t live on a farm.”
My mother gave him an angry look. “What do they teach you children at school
these days? Ain’t ain’t a word.” She admonished him. He started giggling.
“You just said it, Mommy,” laughed Josh.
My father let out a roar of laughter. “He got you there, Dear.”
“Yes, well,” she huffed as she continued to eat as everyone laughed at the
embarrassed look on her face.
My father continued to talk about sports. He bragged about my skills on the track
and his hopes that I’d do well this year. Several times Adrian looked over and
When he started telling him about Billy’s interest in baseball, he stopped and
looked over at me. “That reminds me,” he said. “I’ve been meaning to ask you
where Kenny is. He hasn’t been over here in a week.”
I looked quickly over to Billy, hoping he’d say something. He looked away and
took a bite of his chicken. “Um,” I hesitated, trying to come up with a believable
lie. “He’s been busy with baseball.”
“Well, so is Adrian,” my father replied, “but he managed to join us for dinner
tonight.” I quickly looked back over to Billy. He took another bite of chicken
without lifting his head.
“I’ll, uh,” I stammered. “I’ll tell him you asked about him tomorrow and tell him to
“Maybe I’ll call his father tonight and make sure everything is all right,” he said as
he lifted his coffee mug.
A new fear emerged. If Kenny had told his father I was gay, then my father would
soon know. He and Mr. Fletcher played golf every week. I’m sure he’d find a way
to ‘casually’ mention it.
I looked at my father and mother. I wondered how they would take me being gay.
Even worse, what would they say if they found out Billy was gay also? Would they
think that maybe I made him gay? We do sleep in the same room, and Billy has
always looked up to me. Would they think he was trying to be gay to please me?
I thought it must be hard on parents to have a child who is gay or lesbian. But
two? Fortunately, we have a large family. My brother, Jimmy, was definitely not
gay. He was living in an apartment with his girlfriend. It was only a matter of time
before his girlfriend, Tamara, gave my mother and father a grandchild.
My sister, Marilou, already had a child; but she wanted to wait a few more years
before having another. She was back in school and wanted to complete her
nursing degree before she and her husband, Doug, had any more children.
As I looked at them, I felt comfortable that they wouldn’t be too upset if I came
out to them. I knew my mother would be all right- you know- that thing about
different colored flowers. Dad would be okay, too; however, he has always viewed
me as an athlete. I wasn’t sure if he would handle it better if I wasn’t athletic. It
was possible that he thought the same way Kenny and many of the other guys
felt. Gay guys shouldn’t be allowed in the locker room.
My father gave me a puzzled look when he noticed me staring at him. I hadn’t
even consciously been aware I was doing it. “You all right, Son?”
“Yeah, Dad,” I replied embarrassedly. I looked over at Adrian to see if he was
finished eating. When I noticed he’d cleaned his plate, I asked, “You want to go up
to my bedroom for a while?”
He looked at the clock on the wall. “Sure,” he said. “But it’s almost eight. I’ll have
to leave soon.” We got up from the table and headed to my room.
“Here it is,” I said as I opened my arms and showed him around.
“I know,” he laughed. “I was here with Kenny last week.”
“Yeah, right,” I responded. “I forgot.” I walked over to my computer and
downloaded a video game. Adrian sat beside me, letting our legs touch lightly.
We began playing, but both of us were too nervous to concentrate on the game.
I kept looking at him, wondering what he was thinking. He put the control down
and smiled at me. I closed my eyes when he leaned in and kissed me passionately.
I moaned and put my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me.
I jumped when he reached down and ran his hand over my cock. He then grabbed
it and squeezed it gently. I dropped my hand and felt his erect cock through the
thin material of his athletic shorts. He moaned into my mouth.
Just as I had pulled back the elastic band and was ready to snake my hand into
his shorts, the bedroom door flew open. We jumped apart. Billy and Lonnie were
standing in the doorway with shocked looks on their faces. Lonnie’s eyes quickly
darted back and forth at the obvious bulges in our pants.
“God, Zac,” exclaimed Billy. “I’m sorry. I forgot about the knock twice and wait
thirty seconds rule. I didn’t think you guys would be doing anything.” He pushed
Lonnie out the door before closing it.
Adrian jumped from his chair and started pacing around the room. “Shit! Shit!
Shit!” He muttered nervously. I stood and walked over, wrapping my arms around
“It’s all right,” I tried to assure him. “Billy’s cool. He won’t say anything.” He
looked at me worriedly.
“What about Lonnie?”
“Billy will handle him,” I said. “No one will know.”
Adrian faced me with a worried look. “I can’t take any chances, Zac,” he said. “If
anyone finds out I’m gay, my life will be ruined.” Tears began to appear. “I’ll lose
He walked over to the window and stood looking out. I walked up behind him and
tried to wrap my arms around him, but he pulled away. He looked nervously at the
door. “We got to be more careful,” he warned.
“It will be okay,” I said assuredly. He looked over and frowned.
“Can you take me home?” I looked over at my alarm clock. It was only 8:10. I
wasn’t planning to take him home until around 8:30.
“We still have a little time,” I said. He walked over to the door and opened it.
He turned and said, “I really need to get home.” He left and headed downstairs.
When I entered the family room, he was saying goodbye to my parents. He didn’t
even look at Billy and Lonnie who were sitting on the love seat. I glanced over and
Lonnie was staring intently at me.
I wondered how Billy was going to handle this. Lonnie had no idea I was gay. As
long as I had known him, I had been dating Rachel. He heard Billy talk about her
all the time. I’m sure he was confused about seeing me locked in a kissing
embrace with Adrian. I just hoped that Billy would be able to keep him quiet. Boys
his age have trouble keeping secrets. If he let it slip to another student at school
what he had seen, it could be disastrous for Adrian and me.
Adrian was silent on the ride to his home. I knew he was thinking the same thing I
was. There was no way we could maintain a gay relationship without others finding
out. It was only a matter of time before it was exposed. Too many people knew I
was gay, and it seemed the list was growing larger everyday. I was becoming
accustomed to the idea of being gay. Once I told my parents, then I thought that
I could deal with telling my close friends and perhaps teammates. Marty had made
me realize that I could live my life happier if I was true to who I was.
But as I glanced over at Adrian, I realized that he didn’t have that option. Like he
said, he could lose everything. His confidence on the football field didn’t match the
confidence he had in himself. He could take on the defensive line of an opposing
team, but it didn’t appear he could stand up to his father. Valerie had said that I
couldn’t understand what his home life was like. Watching his reaction tonight,
I realized it may be far worse than I had imagined.
And I also had another worry. Would he walk away from me if the pressure
became too intense? Would he close Door Number 3 in my face before I even had
a chance to open it?
“Let me off on the corner,” he said as I pulled on the block leading to his home. He
didn’t even want me to drive him to his house. When I looked down the street, I
understood why. There were two cars parked on the street outside his home.
About six guys were sitting on the hood or standing around talking. If I had
driven Adrian to his home, then he would have to answer to them what a white
boy was doing bringing him home.
“See you tomorrow,” he said as he got out and walked away without looking back.
Depression overtook me as I heard Door Number 3 slam shut.
Chapter 10 Return to TMJ